You Are My Fight Song (Rytrick/Brallon)

Chapter 13: Self-Reproach

That all too familiar beeping was the first thing I heard as I came into consciousness. Why was that here? I was on the hill with Patrick, wasn't I? He had just opened the wine...

"What do you mean he took a turn?"

That was Patrick. I knew his voice so well, but what did he mean? I was getting better. My doctors had said so...

I forced my eyes open, cringing at the sudden light. I was in a hospital. The lighting gave that away almost immediately. It took me a moment to adjust to it before I saw Patrick. His back was too me, and his hands seemed to be covering his face.

"Baby?.." My voice came out soft and weak, but Patrick heard it. He spun around immediately and I could see tears in his eyes.

"Ryan! Oh, Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Oh, Ryan..." Patrick rushed over to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me softly.

"Patrick? What's wrong?.." I asked. I couldn't really form anything else to ask. Was I hooked up to anything?

He faked a smile to me. "No, no... I'm just happy you're okay."

I blinked at him. I felt like he was lying, but my brain felt fuzzy. I had to be hooked to some kind of medication that was making it harder to put things together.

"I feel funny..." I managed to get out.

Patrick sucked in a breath, looking like he was suppressing tears. "It's just the medicine, Sweetie..." He leaned forward and kissed me softly. I tried to kiss back, but I was already feeling myself drifting back into darkness. What was happening?..

---

Patrick was tugging at his hair as he looked over at Ryan, who was sleeping soundly on the hospital bed. Patrick felt on the verge of tears.

Ryan had relapsed on his treatment. He wasn't better, he was only getting worse. Patrick felt like he was repeating Chicago all over again.

"Pat?"

Patrick looked up as Dallon and Brendon entered the room hesitantly. Dallon let out a small squeak of shock as Patrick bolted up and held him tightly.

"He's not okay!" Patrick cried, shaking as he let himself fall apart. "Dallon, it's him all over again, I'm going to loose Ryan too. I'm a curse, I should of left him alone! He might of been okay..."

Patrick buried his face in the taller boy's shirt, holding him tightly. Dallon held him back, trying to calm him down.

"Pat, it's not you. It's the illness he has..."

"I don't want to loose him..." Patrick whispered between sobs.

Dallon looked over at Brendon, unsure what to do. Brendon shrugged, looking as if he had been defeated. Dallon sighed, returning his attention to Patrick.

"You won't loose him, Patrick." Dallon spoke in a tone that he hoped sounded like he knew what he was doing, "This isn't Chicago. This is a whole new world. This is Ryan. He's strong, you know that."

Patrick whimpered a light 'mm-hmm' sound as he shook.

"Then we'll help him make sure he beats this, alright?"

"I'm just afraid..." Patrick whispered.

"Dude, how do you think I felt when they said they had to take your fucking eye? I was in a panic!" Dallon laughed sadly, looking back at the memory. "I almost drove to Chicago myself to be there for you..."

"The only thing stopping him was his lack of gas and finals in two days." Brendon added with a weak smile that quickly fell, "That was a real bad time..."

Patrick was still shaking slightly. He couldn't calm down. He was terrified to loose Ryan. He was just a small bundle of everything Patrick loved. He wasn't ready to loose Ryan.

"When was he diagnosed?" Patrick asked almost silently.

The other two were hesitant to answer. It was a tense silence before Brendon spoke up.

"A few weeks before finals. They weren't positive, but that's when they found signs."

"Barely before my surgery... Before I started recovering..." Patrick thought out loud.

Brendon looked down nervously before turning his head to Ryan. "He doesn't look sick. He looks okay. Maybe they're wrong..."

Patrick shook his head. "People don't just pass out like that. It happened at the house, I should of caught it..."

"He wasn't even out for ten seconds." Brendon shook his head, "How could we have known it was starting then? He can be a convincing liar."

Patrick looked down. He wasn't convinced. He had been unsure, but the excitement in Ryan's eyes had made him give in.

Patrick pulled away from Dallon and just hugged himself, spinning just slightly in place. "What do we do when he wakes up?" He asked, "I didn't tell him before he fell back asleep."

Brendon shrugged. "The truth. Maybe he shouldn't of been taken off all the hospital crap back home... They should of waited before declaring improvement..."

"A little more subtle, hun." Dallon said, tapping Brendon's head. "We need to tell him that things took a turn. We just don't know how bad."

Patrick looked over at Ryan. Hopefully not too bad. Hopefully it was something Ryan could pull through.

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A/N~ short chapter, I'm sorry, but I felt bad for the last cliffhanger...

~Skittles Out~