chapter 13

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Brandon

When Chris left my house, I felt like I had made a mistake. I shouldn't have let him leave like that. I should've have let him come inside. I should've forgiven him - he did seem sincere. But I didn't. I let him go away again. It was weird, because as I watched Chris walk to his car, I had this bad feeling that I wouldn't see him for a long time. The more I thought about it, the more it chilled my blood. I wanted to yell for him to come back, but for some stupid reason, I was so focused on trying to keep whatever pride I had left. Now I was thinking that pride may have officially ended things between me and Chris forever.

It was almost a quarter to midnight when Chris left and I went back into my house. My mother was already sleep and the house was very quiet. I went to my bedroom and tried to continue studying. I thought about calling Chris on his cell phone, to ask him to come back. But I didn't. I was too afraid that he would say no - or that he wouldn't say anything at all and just hang up. I was worried about Chris. He seemed so sad when I saw him. I know that he didn't tell me all the things he really wanted to say to me, which why I wasn't too receptive toward him. I just hoped that I didn't cause him too much pain - even though he had caused me a lot of pain. Even though I was extra angry at him, I still loved him, and I still hoped that he felt the same way about me.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. My head was just filled with Chris and I couldn't close my eyes without seeing his face or hearing his voice. I really wanted to talk to him, and I don't know why I was so afraid to talk to him, but for some reason, I felt like calling him that night wouldn't be the best idea. I hoped that I would be able to see him the next day at school and then at detention. I went to bed praying that I would see him the next day. I prayed that my feeling that I wouldn't see him for a long time wasn't true. I really hoped it wasn't true.

* * *
My fears grew when Chris didn't come to school the next day. A big part of me was expecting that to happen, because shit like that always happens to me. The more I pray for something to happen, the opposite happens and fucks everything up. I snuck around the art building during lunch, hoping that Mr. Wilson or one of the other teachers didn't catch me with my cell phone and called Chris. The phone rang about five times before picking up. I was excited when I thought I was about to hear Chris' voice - but it was just his voicemail: "Yo, this is Chris. You know what to do..." There was a short beep and I started to talk.

"Chris it's me," I said, trying to talk low so that nobody could hear me - even though there was no one around, but loud enough so that Chris would be able to recognize my voice. "I don't know if you're phone is off, or you're just ignoring me. I hope it's the first...anyway... I just wanted to say thank-you for coming over to my house last night. I know I was actin' a little...dumb or whatever, but I'm glad you came. Call me back. I hope that you're okay... I just wanted you to know that I still care about you, even after what happened. If you want to talk to me, just call me anytime." I was thinking about saying "I love you," but I didn't think that would be the best idea. I hung up the phone, and as I turned around I was shocked to see a girl standing behind me.

She was attractive; she wore a tight, black midriff shirt, dark blue jeans that accentuated her round hips; her hair was shoulder-length and jet-black, which matched the color of her large, seductive eyes. She appeared feminine in appearance, but masculine in the way she stood; she stared at me with those dark eyes of her and I was starting to feel a little nervous. I'd never really seen her around campus before. She looked too old to be a freshman or sophomore, so she had to either be a junior or senior. "Chris, huh?" she asked.

"I was talkin' to a friend," I explained to her. I don't know why I said that to her. It really shouldn't have mattered who I was talking to - she shouldn't have been eavesdropping on my phone conversation.

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