Ian x Mickey (Boyxboy)

Macho Bullshit

Into Mickey's mind:

I know that this crush shit is weird, especially having it towards Gallagher, but it is what it is and I can't do anything about my feelings towards him. I have no Idea why I like him, everything about liking him is odd and unnatural but he seems to find it okay. When I first laid my eyes on the redhead I found him really attractive and I thought I could quickly shake those feelings away but that failed and it stressed me out a little, so I tried ignoring him but he was the topic of every fucking conversation and everywhere I turned, there he was. Trying to ignore him made my interest for him grow. I freaked out and tried to isolate myself and do what I liked to do, at first it started working, there was absolutely no trace of him but then when I finally spotted him by my house with Mandy I was mesmerized and tried to get closer, of course my macho bullshit quickly kicked in and I pulled away but it was too late, he got close to me, invading my personal space. I didn't mind, I liked him being that close to me but it sort of made me insecure so every time he shot me a look I looked away and gave a shy grin, I hated doing that, it made me feel like a sissy. Keeping up conversation was the hardest part, his voice filled my ears and made me drift to somewhere different, somewhere i've never been before, but naturally I fought it off, though it was still hard for me to focus on his words. Every time I thought he wasn't looking at me I would turn to face him and to my surprise his eyes were glued on me with that sly smile of his that made my heart jump beats. He made me feel something I've been waiting to feel, something new, something I wanted to feel for the rest of my life, it was such a warm feeling, but I always thought I would've ended up in this situation with someone else, not him. I stared deep into his green eyes and looked closer into him and that's when I knew I wanted to be with him, no matter how off it sounded to everyone else, I know that real deep down I didn't care what everyone else thought about my crush on him, all I wanted was for him to love me and want me, to touch me gently, and kiss me slowly. I need him in my life, I need to feel his smooth skin rub against mine, his aroma cover my senses and make me drool. I want him for myself but that's not possible because I am unfamiliar with the love he gives me, and I am not accepting of the image it sets for me, so for now I'll keep my guard and macho bullshit up. Hopefully I'll get over it.