oversight ; j.g

T W E L V E

overall, the aquarium was amazing. seeing all those creatures and reading about them on the tiny plaques was so interesting. i ended up convincing brandon to put his phone away and just enjoy, but he still didn't seem as intrigued as i was- or anyone else.

this whole car ride back to the penthouse has just been filled with silence. it made me so uncomfortable. i don't know why he's not talking that much to me. he seems happy and his behaviors are normal, he's just been too quiet for my liking. he didn't even turn on the radio. at one point, i turned it on but i couldn't find anything good to listen to so i ended up turning it off again.

right now, we lay down on the bed, my head on his chest and arms wrapped around his torso. again, in complete silence. i can't help but feel like i'm missing something, or something is out of place. not only is he verbally not saying anything, but the body language is missing. i don't feel what i used to feel.

no sparks. no chemistry.

just nothing.

complete silence.

hugging him and cuddling with him is like being with a manikin. he doesn't seem to notice it, but it's hitting me. hard. it's either that or it just doesn't bother him.

it's like something is constantly nagging and pestering me.

i want to talk to him about it and at least try to work things out, but i don't want to risk getting into an argument again. he's usually an understanding person, but we just made up. i don't want him to get fired up again.

maybe i'm just being paranoid. perhaps i would need to just get my mind off things and relax for a moment. this whole vacation was more stressful than calming.

i slightly move brandons arm off of me and wiggle out of his grasp. i get up from the bed and go towards the closet to grab a two-piece swim suit.

a late night swim will maybe help get my mind off things.

after slipping on the bottom and tying the top piece, i look back at brandon and to my surprise, he's still asleep. thank god he didn't wake up. i really just want this to be my alone time.

i step out of our room and make my way to the balcony where the hot tub is. when i reach outside, i see that the jets and lights are already on.

the boys were probably in here and forgot to turn it off. sometimes they can be so absent minded.

i set my towel down on one of the many poolside chairs and gradually descend into the hot water. why haven't i come in here sooner? this is definitely a great way to finally calm down. the hot water and the water pushing, creating a mini massage. my eyes flutter shut as i just sit down and my mind wanders off to nothing.

"mind if i join you?" i hear that very familiar voice that i actually enjoy now.

i open one eye and see jack leaning on the metal pole that helps people get into the spa.

"no, not at all." i smile and gesture for him to come in. he grins back at me and steps into the steamy, bubbly water.

"so, what brings you in here so late at night?" i ask as he takes a seat.

"actually i was planning to come in here earlier, i just got side tracked."

so thats why everything was on.

"what about you?"

"i just wanted to clear my mind." i explain. he nods at my response like he understands everything.

"whats been on your mind?"

"just stupid things."

"are you being paranoid again?" as he asks, i see the smirk on his face grow.

"maybe." i stick my chin up and act as if it doesn't phase me.

"well, tell me about these 'stupid things'"

"its nothing really, just stuff with me and brandon."

i can see his face fall and his jaw tighten. "oh."

i pierce my lips into a thin line as the silence takes over.

"listen, i've been wanting to talk to you, and i was going to tell you later, but i figured since youre here, why not tell you now." he pauses and stares at his fingers which are fiddling under the water. "so, i know we just started the whole 'friends' thing but, i just can't do it. you already know that i like you a-"

"jack," i interrupt and give him a sympathetic look. this can't go well. he can't seriously still be hung up on me.

"let me finish," he says "i like you, and i love your company and i love being around you, but i can't keep doing this as friends. it's killing me knowing that i'm stuck in the friend zone."

"what are you trying to say?" i tilt my head.

he sighs and takes a moment to recollect himself before speaking again. "i'm saying, it's either we become more than just friends, or we stop communicating, and i would much rather have the first option."

"jack, you know that i can't just leave brandon like that, we just made up."

"why not? he's a dick anyway." he scoffs.

"why can't we just stay friends? i don't want to just completely avoid you."

"because, the more i talk to you the more my hopes go up! and the more my hopes go up, the more crushed i become!" his voice raises and makes me shrink down.

"please, just try and move your feeling for me aside."

"nova, you have no idea how hard i have tried to push what i feel for you away." his tone lowers. "every time i try and deny it, it just grows stronger."

"you can't do that! you can't break with me, then once i move on you come back! you have no idea how hard it was for me to get over you." i mock.

"and you don't think it was hard for me either?!"

"no! why would i? you're the one who called our relationship a 'mistake'." i point my manicured finger at him. i'm surprised no one has come out to tell us to shut up because we're both just yelling at each other.

his expression changes and so do the light in his eyes. now, there's sadness and guilt written all over his face.

"you're supposed to learn from mistakes, not repeat them."

"but baby, i can't help it."

he takes a step closer to me but, for some reason i can't move. me bringing up our past just instantly put me in the worst mood. everything is building up with the problems with brandon, and now jack.

i feel the tears well up in my eyes but i close them so they go away. "you can't do this."

"why not?"

"because, you don't really like me. i know you don't. you just think you do because you're seeing me after a long time."

"thats not true at all, i've had feelings for you ever since i first saw you 2 years ago. and let me tell you, they sure as hell did not stop."

"no, i'm sorry." my voice is shaky and weak as i stand up to get out of the hot tub. i grab my towel and take one last look at jack before entering the penthouse.

{vote, comment, & share}