ALT; °BTS

160402

There are many things I would want to sort out but I couldn't. I just wanted to end it, leave everything behind. However when I closed my eyes that day, the first thing I saw was you smiling at me, like you always do.

I realized that I wasn't ready to let the wind take me already. Even though your friend, Namjoon, pulled me down and called you, I was still scared. I was scared to lose you for the first time.

I went home that day and opened the box we got from Saeyeon's home. I read all the letters that I have sent her, and her unsent letters to meㅡ all those blue envelopes. I was again afraid that I betrayed her, even though she has left. I was afraid, so I had to forget you.

But at the end, I was betrayed, not her. Saeyeon told me that she asked me out just to test you. She knew that she will die— she had it well planned. She told me to go to you.

I was drunk and I'm sorry I bothered you again, which I realized, I only give you pain every time.

Hanseul, I'm very sorry. I failed as a friend; I failed as a person.

I know I shouldn't be reading this, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know your feelings. I neglected you too much, even though you were the one who gave me strength and stayed beside me silently.

Instead of taking your pain, I gave you more for I was a fool. I made myself suffer.

Maybe I don't deserve anything from you, just like what Taehyung said. But could I be selfish one last time?

Hanseul, I need you. Please don't let go of my hand. Please don't give up on me, because now you are my only hope.

Please give me some time to reset, please forgive me.

Please wait until one day, I can hug you without the fear of losing you again.

j.

~

okay ask me if you are confused or anything haha