How Can I Say Thank You For This?

Really Shitty Day, Bro

You and Kanaya jump in the car and drive 30 minutes away to go to her shop. Technically it's her day off but she's always working. She needs to close shop for a week at the end of each month so she can work on commissions and have things to sell. But even still she sometimes forgets things she needs, so every now and then she needs to go down and pick them up. Rose drives her to work every day.

You think they're rather sweet together.

You wait in the car for a few minutes and then she pops back out. On the way there you talked about more nonchalant fluffy topics. What you don't expect is her to look right through you and ask you why you're so sad.

"I'm not. I'm happy!" You smile widely, showing off your teeth.

"No you're not. Tell me what's wrong Dave."

It's a long ride and you can't push it off forever.

"Just... Bad dreams. That's all. I keep seeing my Bro and I miss him... I just..." You pause trying not to choke and cry. "Sometimes I have memories for dreams or nightmares. Last night was just a particularly bad one okay."

You begin to open up to her, something you don't do to a lot of people (except the Mayor <3 the Mayor forever, but he's gone now.) You beg her not to tell anyone and after much teasing she promises she won't while crossing her heart. She smiles and pats your hand.

~~~

That night when you go to work to dj at a club somewhere in the middle of the city, a fight breaks out. You try your best to break it up but you end up leaving with a bruised side. Luckily I didn't bring any of my own equipment that shit would be wrecked.

You go to you car, they didn't pay you for whatever the fuck reason. Like you didn't do your job or something. You had, and then some and now you have to suffer for it? What in jegus fuck is that for anyway.

As you drive home, the only thing you can think about is how you told Kanaya everything, you spilled about how frequent the dreams about your Bro are. He's never looking at you or dead. Sometimes he speaks from behind his pointed anime sunglasses. He's always giving you life advice. 

Before you go to your house you stop by a local convenience store and grab some apple juice... With what money. You awkwardly walk out, without even letting it really affect you and then get home. Gamzee's home when you get there.

Wildly he smiles and puts an arm across your shoulders.

"Am I right brother?"

He pokes you right where you were bruised. You wince.

"Sure yeah you're right, listen don't do that.There was a fight and I got hit, bad bruise man."

"Oh. Honk." He chuckles.

You break away from him and move to the kitchen. You crack some ice cubes out for water and then an icepack for the bruise. You plop down on the couch where Karkat and Roxy are seated. They're watching a movie. You'd give anything right now to just drop your head on Karkat's shoulder. He'd yell at you. He probably will anyways.

"Where is everyone?"

"Shh, this is the best part asshat," Kartkat hisses.

You frown and slink down deeper into the couch. The cold sets in on your side.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time Karkat. I don't get your fucking problem."

He pauses the movie and turns to you and then takes a big breath.

"What the fuck did you just fucking say?"

"I asked you what your damn problem is all the time."

"My problem what about yours?"

"I don't have one... Don't you get that's like the whole point of my life."

"Fuck you Strider."

You scowl and then cross your arms.

"At least I don't whine about losing my lusus in my sleep Dave like you do all the time. You can't take a little- Ahh!"

You're standing now gripping his shirt, jaw clenched. You've picked him up a bit.

"Don't you fucking dare Karkat Vantas."

Roxy's up by now a hand on you.

"Dave put him down! Dave!"

You hear Gamzee laugh in the distance. Karkat growls at you. You glare right into his eyes.

"Wow this went from moirailly banter to black flirty in seconds," he says half laughing.

You put him down and he lands with a thud.

"Don't fucking talk to me Vantas."

You storm off to the bathroom. You look at your side in the mirror to see if it's visually swollen. When you come back out, John is standing there.

"Dave are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

He pulls you into his and Karkat's room.

"Let's talk. You've really seemed off today," he replies in a goofy voice. -"You don't even have to tell me what's going on!"

You shrug. Then he starts telling you about work, how boring it was today, that it was slow. You look around at all the photos in the room. In all of the ones that John is in, he's happy, smiling. What bugs you is that he's talking all cheerful. What does he have any right to be happy about. Nothing! No one should be happy!

"-and then there was this little girl who was with her older sister today, she was so happy and so sweet and-"

"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP!"

You nail him right in the face. He falls backward and grabs your arm, pulling you down with him. You manage to sit up and pull him by the shirt.

"Who the hell gave you the right? Hm John who gave you the goddamn right to be happy, to forget about the fact that your Dad is DEAD?! You just disregard that every chance you get. You're so happy and smiling all the fucking time! How can you forget you've lost almost everything, we've lost almost everything."

He seems surprised. You can see on his face all your aggression is scaring him. You practically throw him back. You stand quickly and you're off to your room. You lock the door behind you. 

"Dave! Dave!" He's banging on the door.

You curl up on your bed, tears slowly falling from your eyes. You never cry, except that one time when you found a bunch of ironic selfies in the game. John showed up and you had to act all cool, like a simpler time wasn't all that hilarious. They've always seen you as calm and collected. You're allowed to not ironically lose your cool right?

"Dave come out please we can talk about this!"

"John go away, leave me be."

You hear the footsteps of at least three other people stop outside of your door. You hear voices but not what they're saying. You recede closer into yourself and continue crying. You find yourself fading slowly into sleep.