How Can I Say Thank You For This?

DreamFightStance

NOTE: this is what you call a "dream", the whole damn thing so it doesn't get all italics because fuck that would be so annoying for you readers, and I'm trying to get people to read this not push you away. Enjoy!

"Dave you know, you don't have to spite everyone just because you're upset."

He's looking at you for once, eyes still covered with shades, but you know his eyes somehow mirror yours. His face is just as you remember, if not more unemotional. You can see where he was run through by Jack. His shirt is covered in red blood. But he seems, healthy, safe. And for once he seems so... Old.

"Bro, I miss you. It's like nobody understands that they've lost some of the most important people in their life."

He folds up his sunglasses and then puts his hands on your shoulders. Despite how much older you are, and how you're almost tallest in the group, you're still shorter than him. You're trembling.

"Little man, they hold it with them. They always will. The things they've seen. The people they've lost... Kiddo, they just find the light in the darkness."

You look up at him, in his red eyes. You're still a child to him, a young boy. You're trembling again.

"Why'd you have to die. I still needed you!"

"Nah, you did alright on your own."

Your shaking makes you buckle. He hugs you. You feel like all your bones will break. He's strong, maybe almost as strong as Equius (who you've only really heard stories of and briefly had contact with through Dirk's sprite.) He's pressing you to him, a warm homely hug, and it breaks you. You begin crying and hug him back. 

"I don't want to leave. I can't it's not worth it. I lost Jade and you.. Don't make me go back."

"Dave..." He's turned away from you now as you've fallen to your knees. "Dave that's not how I raised you. You have to move on. What you've created... That's an accomplishment not even I can top."

"I didn't learn enough." You're making up lame excuses now, even he knows it.

"You know that's a fucking lie."

Your shoulders are shaking while you cry. You're sunglasses are fogged and wet, the tips of your hair damp. He kneels down in front of you.

"Why don't you understand," you whisper.

Another wave of emotion shakes you.

"Why don't you understand that I never got to make you proud. That I never got to thank you. That you saved me so many times, that even though not all the time we were on good terms you still meant the whole goddamn world to me. That I understand you raised me the best way you could... I fucking succeeded because of you." You pause. "You were more than my brother... You raised me the way I'd hope any father would, or mother for that matter... I can only hope to be a quarter of the man you are."

You hear him swallow. Your eyes dart up to his. There are tears brimming his eyes. Almost cooling them to a brighter orange. He stands and sniffles. He puts his pointed shades back on.

"Get up," he says affirmatively.

You do as he says. 

"Get ready."

You look at him confused until he appears a sword. You do the same. You both smile at each other and then begin. He runs at you and you duck, sword up to clash with his. It makes a musical metal on metal sound. You stand and turn in time to catch him slide to a stop on his heels. You run forward and end up meeting swords again.

You find yourself going through the motions of fighting him. It goes on for a while. Neither of you will give up and neither of you will call it a draw. Then again, this isn't to the death, it's a point system. But you don't entirely understand the logic he uses so you never bothered asking. Eventually he's got you backed on the ground, blade to your throat.

"You're almost as good as I am," he says with a chuckle. 

He stands and offers you a hand. You take it. 

"Bro... Could I ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"This.... Things like this, they're not dreams are they?"

He paused for a long time before answering you, sighing slightly.

"For you, yes I believe so. As for me, I'm... Oh fucking hell this is going to sound corny, dude." He laughs before proceeding. "I'm kept alive by your memory. Much like when the game started it was only in dreams that you saw the scape... Well I mean Jade not you..."

Peircing silence follows.

"Once you let go, I'll disappear along with the rest of your Planet... Look."

You look around you and notice he's right. You sigh with a slight twinge of pain.

"If the rest of the sessions kids also dream someone they lost, on their planet or not, they'll reappear on the planet they arrived on when entering the game. When they finally let go, the game erases the planet and the person all together. That doesn't mean you forget, it just means we die."

"That's not going to make it any easier to let go of you, you know."

He looks thoughtfully into the distance, the way he always did, never looking at you. You look away from him and take a deep breath.

"It's not any better being alive either though Dave; it's lonely here."

"Why isn't Jade here."

"That I couldn't answer."

"Alright... Then why wouldn't you look at me. You'd just talk. Never look at me."

Your Bro is silent for a very long time before answering. You can see all the pain on his face. His silence is not angry or guilty. More sad and pained. He gives way to a few tears; he doesn't wipe them away he just let's them go. 

"I didn't want to see you all grown. Look at you, you've gotten so old and independent. I remember when you were just a little baby, your big red eyes, a pair of these shades-" he motions to his own "-that were ever so slightly too big for you for so long. Like hell if you think I knew how to raise a child, and then you crawled right into my life, flipped it right the fuck around."

His nose twitches while he struggles to hold back tears.

"I fell in love with you, the way a parent would fall in love with their own child. You were so curious to live and learn. I watched you grow. I watched you become this great person, and you made me so proud when I realized how much you looked up to me. If you think dying was any easier for me, you're so fucking wrong."

Silence again.

"You still make me proud. I'm proud to be your Dad, or Bro, I don't care specifics. Because it doesn't matter. You have shown me that I did a good job at bringing you up." His mouth twitches as tears flow a bit faster. "I'm proud of you Dave. I'm so fucking proud."

You hug him and smile.

Faintly you hear a banging. 

"What's that noise?"

"What noise?"

It get's louder.

You wake with a heart skipping startle.