Living In The Shadows

Chapter 32

The song attached is Fall Out Boy's 'Miss Missing You' because I was just listening to it, and it is amazing.

The dress is beautiful.

Sure, I would to have like to have chosen something different. But, this was one of the few dresses that fit me, so, and this was my favorite out of the few that I had to chose from.

My hair is in an intricate up do. My nails are painted, that is rare. My makeup is professionally done, and it looks perfect, it is more than I would ever wear, but, it works for the occasion.

Terrified.

That is one thing I am.

Most are scared on their wedding day, some fear that they are making the wrong choice by getting married.

That is the reason most think I would be scared on my wedding day, I am 20, almost 21(I have a few months still).

But, that is not what I fear.

I fear that I am going to fall on my face.

I binged on too many wedding fails videos last night.

Now, I know all that can go wrong.

And I fear that this wedding will be a huge disaster.

But, does it really matter if it is?

I am marrying someone I love.

No matter how the wedding goes, we will be together, and that, is all that really matters.

I know that I am not making a bad choice by getting married.

Everyone is saying that getting married so young is stupid.

But, I know that I am making the right choice.

I love him.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him. So, I see nothing wrong with getting married so soon.

•    

The wedding somehow goes perfectly.

I was actually kind of hoping that a disaster would happen.

Nothing too big, just something small and memorable.

But, it went perfectly, that is good, but, it is not as exciting as it would have been had a disaster happened.

I sit next to Cole, we just cuddle.

I am well aware of the expectations of one's wedding night.

But, lately, I have been a bit more self-conscious, I have gained a bit of weight.

It is not that notable, but, it is noticeable enough for me to be concerned about it.

One thing I have leaned over the years is to be comfortable in my body.

However, it has always been to not worry about being too thin.

Now, it is the other way around, and do not know what to think.

I liked myself better when I was skinny.

I am too fat now.

No, I am not.

I need to stop listening to myself.

But, I guess I can put my insecurities aside for a bit.

•    

Cole and I have been married for about two weeks.

I have noticed that things have changed.

So far, I have yet to notice what has changed, but, things have defiantly changed.

One thing I have noticed is that once you are married, you feel more comfortable around your partner.

It is not that I wasn't comfortable around Cole before, I love him, and he loves me, but, that did not stop me from having a fear that he will break up with me.

I knew he would never break up with me, but, I still feared that it would happen.

Now, after such a huge commitments as been made, the fear that he will tell me he doesn't love me is not there.

As I close my eyes I remember all the memories I have of us.

The time I fist met him.

Our first kiss.

When I first realized that I loved him(this took much longer that it should have).

Love is weird.

When I met him, he was just my brother's best friend's brother.

Then, he became my friend.

Then, he became my best friend.

After that, I realized that I liked him in a more-than-friends way.

Not long after that, I realized that I had fallen in love with him.

Then, we shared our first kiss.

Soon, we found ourselves telling each other that we loved each other.

Shortly after that, I became his girlfriend.

Now, just a few short years later, I am his wife.

We share so many memories with each other.

I cannot imagine not being with him.

I am so glad that we met. I am so happy that we fell in love.

Being with him is amazing, and I would not trade it for anything.

A lot in my life has gone wrong.

Between being hated by my family. Horrible at making friends. Gymnastics injuries. And being made fun of for my size.

Things in my life did not seem to be going very well.

But, one thing that has gone well is my relationship.

So many unexplainable things have happened in my life.

But, all the good weighs out the bad.

All the bad was worth the good that has happened.

Had the bad not have happened, I do not think I would be as happy as I am.

Not all the good would have happened had the bad not happened first.

People need to realize that.

Just because things are not going the way you want them to, does not mean it will always be that way.

Sometimes things get worse before they get better(and sometimes they never get better, but, that is not the point).

Things in my life were not going the way that I wanted them to. But, maybe that is the reason I am so happy now.

"I love you." I tell me husband.

"I love you too." He tells me.

THIS CHAPTER IS WAY TOO SHORT.

I just had a set amount of chapters I wanted there to be, and I could not think of anything else to put in this chapter.

But, guys, I really miss the gym.

A lot.

I really want to go back, but, I quit three years ago(for health purposes), meaning I will be fairly old for my level, and I have not tumbled in a few years, so I am not sure what I am capable of anymore.

BUT I REALLY MISS THE GYM.