the heir's secret

O death rock me asleep

I sit in the corner of my cell, staring at nothing. My face is emotionless however my mind is screaming with every emotion available to me. I feel sadness because I have done so much wrong in my life and now I will never be able to make them right or even ask for absolution. I feel anger because of George, I trusted him and he betrayed me, he used me so that he could gain more power. I feel ashamed of myself because I have wasted the life that I was given by God. Too many bad decisions were made and now here I am sitting in a cell waiting for when someone will walk through the door and lead me to my death.

Death is such a queer thing. Everyone's life is just focused on getting to heaven. But by doing that no one truly lives. Is there even an afterlife? Eternal life in heaven? I begin crying, tears rolling down my cheeks in fat blobs, spitting onto the stone below my feet with a quiet plop. I never thought I would die this young. I remember imagining my death in a warm bed surrounded by my children and husband. How inaccurate my dream was. I will be surrounded by people waiting for my breathing to stop as my feet dangle before them. I start reciting a poem that Elizabeth used to read to me, the words warm and familiar, they roll off my tongue like a caress, despite the harsh words.

"O death rock me asleep,
Bring me to quiet rest;
Let pass my weary guiltless ghost
Out of my careful breast.
Toll on thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Thy sound my death abroad will tell,
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Farewell my pleasures past,
Welcome my present pain.
I tell my torments so increase
That life cannot remain.
Cease now, thou passing bell;
Ring is my doleful knell;
For the sound my death doth tell,
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy."

My tears flood the stone floor before me as I imagine Elizabeth's voice as she once spoke the poem to me. She always had tears in her eyes by the end, I always assumed that it made her think of her mother. But the poem is so much more, it tells us not to fear death, to accept it because there is no remedy. It does not mention heaven or hell or even God. It is just death.

Suddenly I hear footsteps walking across the hall towards my door. I wipe my eyes with the back of my mud stained sleeve and stand up. I don't want to approach the crowd screaming and crying I want to be brave, I want everyone to view me with admiration for my braveness. My heart leaps in my chest as the door opens, knowing that this will be my final walk. The door opens but I am not confronted with a guard instead the quiet, proud Lord from my court case stares at me, again his face is emotionless.

"Lead the way my Lord." I stammer as I step towards the door. He holds his hand up, stopping me.

"Lady Katherine Woodville, you are too be released." My breathing stops at his words as my legs almost collapse beneath me. "Her majesty the Queen has dismissed your sentence, you may go home with the promise that you will not be bothered again." And with that he turns on his heel and walks away. I run after him, grabbing his arm.

"I don't understand!" I scream as my tears stream down my face. He pulls his arm away from my touch.

"The Queen has pardoned you, you should thank God for her mercy and kindness, God knows you do not deserve it." He turns and walks away, never looking back. As soon as his footsteps fall out of earshot I fall to the floor, my body heaving with each sob I make. Mary has finally seen her cruel ways, she's pardoned me. I cannot even believe the words.

...........

I pull up my hood, shielding my face from every eye around me in case of recognition. I had only spent an hour at my estate before walking out again without my horse for he had been taken away. My house was empty when I turned up, my bookshelves Dusty and the fireplaces covered with ash. All my servants were gone. It looked exactly what it had a year ago after walking away from Elizabeth, it seemed as if the past year of my life was all for nothing and I was right back where I started, except this time I did not stay.