Wrong Side of Love (Ziam bodyswap)

Chapter 19

Liam doesn't get a chance to corner Zayn that day. He's busy, out with Harry and Niall on their own shopping excursion, and they nearly have to leave for the venue by the time they all get back. Which means Liam is stuck all day in the hotel with Perrie, which she actually seems okay with. She changes back into her sweats after subjecting Liam to a long, long fashion show of everything she'd bought (so many clothes, Liam has no idea how she'll have time to wear them all) and spends the day on the bed, ordering room service over and over, chowing down on everything from salad to onion rings. How she manages to fit all of it in there, Liam has no idea. She's like a bottomless pit, could give Niall a run for his money.

She comes to the show that night, too, and Zayn nudges him at one point until Liam gives her a shoutout with gritted teeth and tight lips. And then Zayn follows them back to their room, curling up on the bed to watch TV with him again while Perrie showers, until she gets up and crawls between them, resting her head on Liam's chest.

The next day is much of the same. They play their final show there, they pack up their stuff, and Perrie plans on heading back home. It was such a short, weird visit, and Liam's forced to accompany her to the airport, where they have the most dramatic goodbye kiss ever. Liam tries not to wrinkle his nose when he pulls back, rubbing at his mouth as camera after camera flash nearly blinds him.

"I'll miss you," she whispers in his ear. "You call me, okay?"

"Okay."

"And let me know if anything happens with your boy," she adds, pointing a stern finger at him. "I want all the details. Or— not all of them, actually, but I want to know if anything happens, yeah? He seemed really happy to be near you the whole time I was there. It's nice to see you both getting along again."

"Right." Liam's too numb to say anything else.

"I love you!" she says loudly as she back away. "I'll miss you!"

"You too."

When Liam thinks he can do so without seeming disrespectful, he walks away, heading back for the car to take him to the hotel so he can grab his bags and get on the tour bus. He's silent the whole way, too cold and aching to keep his eyes open.

The thing is, Liam doesn't hate her. Liam doesn't hate her at all. Those three days only proved to him something he'd been avoiding for so long: Perrie is wonderful and she loves Zayn and she seems to make him incredibly happy.

He always imagined in his head, bitterly, that they didn't work. That they weren't really paired well together. That Zayn and Perrie didn't click, didn't really have anything in common. He was wrong. They're both similarly lazy and bubbly when they want to be; they both like the same dumb TV shows and laugh at the same dumb things. She's sickeningly sweet with him, seems to want nothing but the very best for him, from what Liam could tell.

And he's... he's happy for them. For the first time, he's happy for them. He'd accepted it, last night when she'd kissed his forehead before climbing under the blankets and passing out. Maybe he can't have Zayn, and that's okay. Maybe he's okay with Zayn being with someone else, if she genuinely lights up his world.

It kills Liam inside. It's worse than everything else that's happened. It's worse than the day they'd made their relationship official. It's worse than all those times she'd called him when they were together and Zayn had ducked away with a grin on his face. It's worse than that day when he'd spotted the ring on her finger, and the hundreds of interview questions about it. It was like there was a part of him, before, that had convinced himself that there was still a chance, but now he knows there isn't.

Zayn is happy with Perrie, and Liam wants Zayn to be happy. He'd rather Zayn be happy with him, but if that's not an option — he's glad Zayn has someone who seems to genuinely love and care about him. He really is.

He throws up when he gets back to the hotel, hugging the toilet bowl and heaving up everything he's eaten in the last two days. He brushes his teeth and packs away his things with shaking hands, and he weakly carries his things to the bus. He ignores the inquiring looks from the others, gets into his bunk and pulls down the curtains to block everyone else out.

Only it's impossible to really avoid the others, even when he desperately wants to, and Zayn climbs into his bunk without warning — and without asking.

"What's wrong?" he wonders, laying down beside Liam so their bodies are parallel. "Why'd you just ignore us all?"

"I'm not in the mood right now," Liam says softly.

Zayn's eyebrows draw together, concerned. "What happened?" he demands. "Talk to me, Liam, don't block me out."

So Liam does. He closes his eyes, takes a steadying breath, and says, "I'm really happy for you, Zayn. I know I've never said it before, but — about the engagement, I'm really happy for you." He blinks open his eyes, praying his tears aren't obvious to Zayn even as they obstruct his vision. "She's really lovely, and I'm glad you two are happy together. Congratulations."

Zayn's eyes dart between both of his. "What? What—"

"She's really great," Liam emphasizes. "I'm really happy for both of you. I think you'll— I think you'll make a great husband, Zayn."

"Where is this coming from?" Zayn demands. "Did she — did Perrie say something?"

"She said a lot of things," Liam mumbles. He sighs, tilting his head towards the wall so he doesn't have to look at Zayn. "She really loves you, yeah? Don't think you could ask for much more. I'm really, really, truly happy for you. You deserve someone that makes you happy."

He feels the tears slipping down his face, wetting his pillow, but he knows Zayn can't see them. "Liam," he says. "Why are you—?"

"Can I sleep, please?" Liam begs. Maybe Zayn can't see it, but Liam can hear it, the fact that he's crying clear as day in his voice. "I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'd like to nap before we arrive."

"Liam," Zayn tries again, and there's something watery in his words, too, thick and quiet.

Liam tugs his blankets up. "Please go away."

Zayn makes a lost, strangled sound before he jumps down from Liam's bed. He sharply tugs the curtains closed, and Liam can hear him stomp away, far from him. "What's wrong?" he hears Harry ask. "Zayn, what—"

"Leave me alone," Zayn snaps, and Liam pulls his pillow over his head, too, for good measure.

*