Wrong Side of Love (Ziam bodyswap)

Chapter 20

He doesn't fall asleep, though. He lays on his side, facing the wall, and cries until it feels like he has nothing left inside him anymore. He feels pathetic. He doesn't cry, ever, and this is what breaks him? But that's the reason, isn't it? He's broken. Heartbroken. He's been dumped. He's been dumped by people he's loved, and people he hasn't, but he doesn't think he's ever been truly heartbroken before. Not like this. It feels like he's shattered.

No, not shattered, actually. He's not in a bunch of little pieces, that's not what it feels like. It feels like someone has reaches inside him and ripped out something vital. He may still be alive, but he's missing an important piece of himself. That's what it feels like: like he's incomplete. Like he's lost something that he needed, and he'll never get it back.

He feels the bus come to a stop a while later. He's not sure how long it's been, exactly. Crying takes everything out of him, makes him feel like he hasn't slept properly in weeks.

"Come on, babe," Louis says gently. "We're here."

"I'm staying on the bus tonight," Liam mumbles. "I don't want to get up."

"What happened?" Louis presses. "Zayn stormed out of here the second we arrived, and you sound like you've been—"

"I'm fine," Liam cuts him off, not turning around. "I'm just exhausted. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you," Louis protests. "Liam, babe, come on. Get out of the bed."

"No." Liam pulls his blankets up a little higher. "I'll be fine, Louis, I promise. I just — I need to be alone right now."

Silence follows that, and for a while there's nothing but Liam's slightly labored breathing, filling the hollow confines of his small bunk. "Alright," Louis eventfully relents. "If you change your mind, Zayn and I are in room 309."

"You're sharing with him?" Liam blurts, unable to help himself.

"You're sharing with him," Louis corrects. "I was planning on staying in here for the night. But if you want to be alone, I guess I'll room with him instead."

"Thanks, Louis," Liam mumbles. "I really appreciate it."

"Yeah." Louis reaches up and brushes his hair off his forehead. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

Liam nods, but he doesn't plan on it. Louis looks like he knows this, too, but he knows Liam enough not to push, not to prod right now. Louis can be overbearing a lot of the time, but he always seems to know just when to tone it down. This is one of those times, and he nods once more to Liam before leaving.

*

Liam wakes up feeling horrible. His head is heavy, like he'd cried all night which — oh, right, he had. He rolls over, rubbing at his eyes, finding them crusty and gross. They sting when he blinks them open, and his whole body feels weak. He could use another three, four hours of sleep, he thinks, but he can't spend his whole life feeling sorry for himself. At some point he has to start moving on, and the sooner he does the better. The sooner he gets over this (if he can) the better.

Beside him, someone groans and rolls over. "I can show you the world," Louis mumbles. "Shining, shimmering..." He sighs and goes silent again.

Liam blinks down at him. And then blinks some more. And then he stands up, looking down at his legs. No tattoos, no anything. They're his legs, hairy, thin, with muscular calves and — they're not Zayn's. Liam stumbles towards the bathroom, eyes wide. He grips the sink with tight hands, knuckles turning white, and —

It's Liam looking back at him. Brown eyes, short hair, dressed in a loose t-shirt and boxers. It's him. He lifts a hand, pokes at his own cheeks. He makes a face, just to see, and his reflection in the mirror does the same.

"Louis!" Liam practically runs from the room, nearly tripping over the carpeted floor. Louis barely stirs, clutching the blanket closer to himself while mumbling something about Jasmine needing to shut the hell up because he's trying to sing to her right now. "Louis, get up."

"Zayn," Louis whines. "Fuck off you dick."

Liam shakes him. "Louis."

Louis finally wakes, glaring at Liam like he's trying to kill him with his stare. "What?" he demands. "What the hell are you—?"

"I'm Liam," Liam says. "Louis, I'm me again."

Louis blinks at him. "Me as in...?"

"Liam," Liam says. "We switched back!"

"About fucking time," Louis grumbles. "Now shut up and go back to sleep, you psycho. It's like six in the morning, you freak."

Liam makes a face at him, but Louis ignores it in favor of rolling back over. With a sigh, Liam lets him be, heading back for the bathroom. He grins at himself in the mirror, and he's never been so happy in his life to be himself again.

And then last night comes crashing down around him again, and he remembers why he'd woken up feeling like he'd barely slept. His joy dissipates a bit, but he forces a smile back onto his face anyways. At least he's him again, he rationalizes. This will all be so much easier to deal with now that he's not Zayn, even if he feels a little twinge when he looks in the mirror again.

He rubs a hand down his face, trying to clear his head. He's still tired, though, and he feels gross, like he'd spent the night sweating. He shrugs out of his shirt, tossing it onto the floor, and turns on the shower, praying it'll make him feel better.

But as he's pulling down his boxers, he eyes himself in the mirror. Something had caught his eye. Something dark and small and familiar.

Liam frowns as he lifts one leg onto the toilet seat, bent at the knee, exposing the inside of his thigh. There, in small, neat writing, is a simple 'Z'. Just like Zayn's, only — Liam licks at his thumb and wipes at it, and his heart sinks when it smudges. Not a tattoo, then. Just pen, or something.

But why? Why in the world would Zayn do that?

"And it's sure as fuck not my initial tattooed on the inside of his thigh, babe," he remembers Louis saying. And he hadn't really believed it at the time, hadn't thought it was true, but — if the 'L' on Zayn's leg isn't for Liam, then why would Zayn put a matching 'Z' on Liam's leg?

Liam chews the inside of his lip as he climbs into the shower, and he watches with a detached sense of sadness as the 'Z' washes away with the water. As soon as he's dried and dressed, he goes out into the room, finding Louis back asleep, taking up the whole bed, practically. Liam rolls his eyes fondly as he heads for the door, checking only once to make sure Louis is fast asleep.