Everything will be okay

Chapter 21

Jamari:

"You alright?". Devin said coming in the room.

"Yeah,I've been missing you". I said putting down my pickle juice.

"I missed you too but I got some bad news to tell you". He said coming to sit by me.

"Wassup". I said scooting over a bit.

"So when you was in a coma I've been trying to get Jayonna back for you but my caseworker said she died in a house fire on July 4th she said she was cremated and your mom kept her Ashes".

Words couldn't explain how I felt at that moment. Nothing but tears welled in my eyes and I just let it all out . Devin pulled me towards him and I cried on his chest. I knew I should've fought harder to get her and she would've still been here.

"Why do you god keep doing this too me". I cried harder.

"Jamari god don't throw anything at you if he know you couldn't handle it--

"Oh my fucking god". I said standing up.

"She must been really sitting on your bladder". He said looking at the puddle underneath me.

"My water broke Devin". I said drying up my tears.

"I'm about to take a shower". I said trying to get my head together for my baby.

"Is that even safe? You have to go to hospital!". He yelled at me.

"Devin I'm cool,can you pack some outfits for her in a bag". I said starting the shower.

I didn't feel pain or anything I was just wet ,I just wanted to get myself together before I have all these doctors looking up at me.

*********

"Push,Push,Push". The doctor said.

I pushed more but I was so tired,My vision was a little blurry and all I seen was bright lights and I wanted this baby out of me. I thought I was gonna have a C-Section but they said I didn't have too.

"Come on Jamari you almost there". Devin said pushing the hair out my face.

"Stop touching me". I snapped starting to crying.

"Jamari give me one more big push she's almost here". The doctor instructed.

I held on to Devin's hands and gave the biggest push I could and moments later I heard nothing but cries filled the air. The tried to give her to me but I wanted her washed off first.

I started crying even harder,I can't believe I did that. I thought everything was gonna be good until a couple nurses started panicking.

"She's not breathing,get him". One of the nurses yelled.

"What's going on,Where are you going with my baby?". I said getting nervous.

No one didn't say anything everything just went fast.

"Sir you need to leave". The nurse said pushing Devin out.

I watched them push her out the room yelling orders. I was a complete mess at this point. I was trying to get out the bed but they all stopped me because I was kinda high off drugs.

2 days Later

"She will be good".Devin assured me.

My baby Zoey Jayonna Dime was born 4 pounds 6 ounces. The day she was born she stopped breathing after I told them to wash her off. I'm leaving today but she isn't because the Doctors says she have Heart Defect due to having a child by an sibling and the doctor is pretty positive that she have Heterochromia Iridium one of her eyes is Brown the other is like a Icy Grey my baby still look cute. The doctors need to do a open heart surgery but Zoey isn't doing better and she haven't been eating  the nurse told me alot of newborns do this but it's scary me. I just been all over the place I can't handle it.Devin's been on my side every step of the way making me feel better but I'm just fucked up.

I walked in the nursery to tell Zoey bye before I went home. I went to her incubator she was sleep.

"How she been?". I said touching her little hand through the hole.

"Good she's just been Sleeping, we trying to gain her some more weight for her surgery". She whispered to me.

"Alright,I'll be up here bright and early to check up on her". I said looking down at her.

"Mommy will be back baby". I said wishing she can go home with me.

"We will update you anytime you call Jamari she's gonna be good". The nurse told me.

"Thank you". I said standing up.

I took another glance at her then went back out to my wheel chair. I'm just Physically and emotionally drain . I been having g Suicidal thoughts but I have someone to live for and I ain't going no where.

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