My Best Friend, The Bad Boy

19 | Glimpses & Braving The Awkwardness

Kaillie's POV (not edited)

After he left Abby's house on Sunday, I only really saw glimpses of him. He seemed to be avoiding me, giving me space. And I was kind of avoiding him, honestly. After all, I put us in this position in the first place. Me and my drunken thoughts that turned into actions. I saw faces across the room, and looks constantly passed between us in the hallways. It wasn't like he seemed to be indifferent and cold, he didn't seem to be mad or anything. He just didn't specifically seem to want to talk to me or hangout. When he would smile at me, the light would only take over half his eyes, not light up the whole of them up with the usual deep blue color that is as endless as an ocean and so easy to get lost in.

This is my fault. I kissed him. I put us here, in this awkward position. And I don't really know what to do. I kissed him while I was drunk. But he kissed me back, so what does that say? How does one move on from this?

In my experience, usually, when people have crushes, they prefer for them not to be revealed, at least until they are ready, and especially not in a drunken kiss they couldn't control. Drunk people lack control. Why did I put myself in this position? And why does this make me nervous? Carter is my best friend, I'm usually vulnerable with him. But I guess never this vulnerable. Carter has always been in my heart, but this discovery of liking him, and then kissing him, seems to have given my heart to him, or at least a piece, without me even realizing it.

It's almost like this whole thing is making a chaotic storm in my brain, making me feel like I'm getting some sort of headache because my brain is going so hyperactive over this.

When I step into my front door after hanging out with Abby, I walk into find my house smelling of wonderful aromas and my mother cooking up a storm in the kitchen. The warm brown colours of my kitchen match the warm atmosphere the cooking brings, the smells of love, hard work and delicious food waiting to be eaten later.

"Hey Mom," I say, setting down my bag on the floor before sitting on one of the breakfast stools at our breakfast bar. It takes a minute before my mom notices me, as if she's so in her own world that she didn't notice me walk in and join her.

"Oh hi honey," she greets me kindly, smiling at me before she tilts her head back down to the food she's preparing. "How was your day?"

"My day was good, how was yours?" I reply, and it was. I just keeping missing Carter's presence. This awkwardness needs to be overcome soon, I just don't know how to do that. But I need this awkwardness to be over soon, almost as if so I can have him back or something.

"Oh you know, the usual," she jokes about her work. It seems like she got home early today, so it must not have been too busy. Either that or she really wanted to start cooking whatever thing she's making, which by the way, smells delicious. She must have noticed my slight change of expression though, because she asks me what's wrong.

"Nothing," I say,  but the look she gives me says that she knows that isn't the truth.

"Is this about Carter?" she asks, seemingly innocently.

"What makes you say that?" I try my best to calmly ask her why she would think that as my mind goes into hyperdrive. Does she know what happened? And if so, how does she know, because I didn't tell her. The questions keep popping up as I wait for her to consider her next words and finish washing the lettuce gently in the sink, or at least the portion she has in her hand.

"Well, you haven't been hanging out with him as much as you usually do. I usually at least hear of it so I know where you are, and he hasn't been brought up. At all, in fact. And when I bumped into Heather at the grocery store, she said that he's been acting funny too, and she hadn't seen you around their house either lately. Is there something I should know about?" she finishes her slight interrogation with a question. So Carter has been different too, like I have, and his mom had noticed too? My real question though, is do I tell her?