XY and Z

7: No more cards to play but the game isn't over

      It was October now and she had decided to drop out of the talent show. She just couldn't get the words to stick in her brain and someone had already taken her second choice of a song. She hated to let her best friend down but she just couldn't do it. She was falling behind on her homework too because she started skipping school. Z was everywhere she turned. it was creeping her out, he was being too sweet, too hands on and she couldn't bring herself to tell him to get away from her.

     The day before when she was at school Z and her had a nice conversation while he was walking her to the bus. She had felt safe enough because lots people were standing around or walking all around the two of them. She thought the conversation was going great until he started adding in innuendos and started giving her suggestive looks. Then it seemed out of the blue he made subtle request that she should sleep with him. She denied him of course, even if he did break up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago (which she still didn't believe) he was a cheater and a player.  His request only further confirmed her fear and suspicions.

     She was tired of trying to figure out ways to make this work.  It was never going to work, get real and get over it! she thought. What Z said that day revealed his true intentions for her. She refused to be used by any man even one so attractive as Z! Everything was slowly falling apart in her mind, she couldn't say yes to him no matter what he asked of her. If he were to ask her out she would have to deny him because there is nothing stopping him from using her except her self-esteem and there was no telling how long that would last.

     This was getting ridiculous she could say yes and say no to him. The only thing she really wanted before was to be friends and maybe have a good relationship. He was everything that she could've asked for on the outside but on the inside Z was ugly behind the polite and charming disposition.

     she had reached her limit of absents, if she missed one more day she would be in danger of failing her classes. Professor was the first to mention her poor grades to her, then two more teacher followed suit. She was doing fine in her biology honors class though. For some reason she was able to funnel the excess energy from her frustration into the science because it had nothing to with her situation, it was her escape. 

     Later that week she sent a message to Z on the Facebook saying that she was having family problems and anything she could think of that might get him to back off on the flirting. Z would probably offer comfort in a suggestive manor, in which case she didn't know what her reply would be. Over the past few days she was constantly contemplating why she was fighting her emotions and why she wasn't going to have one night with him. Why couldn't she just give in and enjoy one night? she thought What harm would It do? You would have him for one day and a night. She came to the conclusion that she didn't want a limited time frame with him. She didn't want to rush through what she considered to be two years of dating in whatever time he allowed and sleep with him to have it end the next morning. He would hurt her if she gave him what he wanted that she took as a fact. She was already hurt at this point but it would be double if she just rolled over and took it.

     She was stuck between two worlds, what her emotions said and what her realist mind was telling her. Constantly struggling to listen to one and do what the other told her to do. In the end she would lose this game of cat and mouse, but she'd be damned if he won while she was losing either way.