scomiche one-shots

.you can ignore this if you wanna.

Hey. It's Emmett here.

This is just a rant.

About myself.

I'm seriously such an attention whore for writing this and getting all your amazing and sweet comments and just acting like its nothing.

I feel sometimes I take you all for granted. And I'm sorry.

I don't really appreciate you all enough. And I'm sorry.

But, I'm mostly sorry that you have to put up with me.

I haven't been writing enough lately. I feel like shit because I've only put out like 2 legit oneshots since I came out.

Which was about a month ago.

I'm sorry for being slow on updates.

I'll try my best. I promise. Just for all of you.

I'm probably at my lowest right now.

I've actually wanted to kill myself maybe 10 times in the last 3 days.

My family is really getting onto me and dysphoria is basically fucking up my life. It's 5 am right now, I have school in 2 hours. I've just kinda given up in everything at this point so I don't really care about sleep or homework or anything. I'm not really worth anything at this point anyways. I mean, my whole life is just gonna keep on being  me alone and dysphoria and family shit and just fucked up everything. Pentatonix and my friends are legit the only things kind of keeping me alive right now.

I'm a fucking mess.

And I'm so, so, so sorry you have to deal with a mess like me.

But, a single comment on my story makes me smile. A single vote can make my depressing thoughts start to fade away. So thank you, so much.

I'm trying so hard to update the stories you want.

I wanna make you guys happy.

There's a new oneshot I've started to work on and I'm very proud of it. It'll be coming out, hopefully, sometime soon. Also, Roommates is being updated as soon as possible. I'm so sorry for all of you waiting patiently for that to be updated, writers block is cursing me on that story.

My life's a fucking shit show right now.

And I don't think I'm gonna live to see the happy or terrible ending.

If I leave, don't be surprised. Or scared. Or even sad. I'm sorry if I do. It's just,

I don't really see life as number one right now.

I see death.

I know that sounded like what an emo phased teen would say, but it's kinda true for me.

But, my hair is doing good for me. I love my hair so much, and I never thought I'd say that with long hair. I'm so glad I got it cut. That's probably the only thing I like about myself. Actually, I've gotten a lot of face confidence lately. I actually think my face is... dare I say...

Cute.

But the rest of me...

Not so cute.

But, it's whatever. Like I said, don't really care about anything anymore.

But the thing about having anxiety and depression is that when you wanna cut, you get nervous about the pain. You wanna do it so bad, but you're so nervous to. That's been my late nights for the past week. I was crying all night one night because I was so lonely and I just no purpose for anything. I was at the door, my shaky hand on my doorknob, wanting to go into the bathroom.

But my anxiety held me back because I was too scared of pain.

And then I get mad because I'm too scared and I just cry myself to sleep.

God, I'm so fucked up. Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with me.

But, before you go, I have a question.

Would you watch me on YouNow?

I really wanna do one and some of my friends would watch me and I wanna know if you guys wanna.

So, would you watch?

Ok, I have to "wake up" in 2 hours and I'm starting to get tired.

Thanks for sticking around after I threw all my problems on you.

I love you all so much.

And I promiseeeee to update as soon as I can.

Bye.

Stay alive. I'll try to if you do.

- Emmett. <3