BROKEN

The Explanation

I sat on the floor outside of the hotel room and attempted to fathom what I had just heard. Everything suddenly clicked, my mother has been trying to have children for years and the doctors told her it was nearly impossible. For some reason I never questioned how she had me, they always called me their miracle baby and I had just assumed it was true. My mother opened the hotel door. I looked up at her, my eyes must have told her everything.
   
"How much did you hear Warsan?" I didn't answer. "Warsan."
 
"Am I really adopted hooyo?" I asked, hoping that the answer would be no.
 
"Come inside and I'll tell you everything you want to know." She reached her hand out and helped me stand up.
 
"When I was a little girl in Somalia something bad happened to me." She began as we sat on the bed. "I was seven years old and my grandmother told me we were going to her friend's house while my mother was away. She told me that I would have a little procedure done that all little girls had to have. I asked if my mother would come and she said that it would just be us. She was my grandmother so of course I trusted her, as I should have been able to. She took me to her friends house and they laid me down on a table. They held me tight so that I couldn't move and did something that is now known as female genital mutilation. I was in pain and could not walk for weeks, my mother was worried and outraged. But at the time I did not understand what had happened, nobody explained it to me until I came to the United States. I married your father at the age of twenty and it was strange to me how I was so young and could not get pregnant. I tried for four years and then your father suggested that I see a gynecologist. The doctor told me that the procedure my grandmother forced me to get had made me infertile. My chances of having a healthy pregnancy were slim to none. I was devastated for months, all of my friends were getting pregnant and having children except me." She paused and looked at me, her eyes were welling with tears. "My best friend at the time, Amina, had been pregnant and me and your father went to the hospital when she went into labor. Her whole family, including her husband, were in Somalia and we were the closest thing to family that she had. Long story short, there were complications and there was a risk that she and her baby would not make it. At that point, they asked her what would happen if she didn't make it and the baby did. She said that she had faith in God that everything would be fine. But in the chance that it wasn't, she wanted me to have the baby and raise her and love her as if she were mine. And that's exactly what I did Warsan." I sat for a few moments and looked at my hands quietly.
   
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I finally asked.
 
"I didn't want you to feel as if you weren't ours. We wanted you to grow up as happy as possible. Honestly, we planned on telling you once your father got back but this was definitely not the way I wanted you to find out." She paused and looked at me sideways. "You're awfully quiet Warsan, how do you feel about all of this?" She asked.
 
"I'm fine hooyo, I don't know I think I just need time to process this all, a lot has happened over the passed few days and I need to take it all in."
 
"I know baby." My mother said wrapping her arms around me. "If you want to talk about this or anything else don't hesitate to come to me. I know this is a lot to have on your plate but we will overcome all of this together. I am your mother, regardless of what DNA says, I will always be your mother. I'm the only person in the world you can depend on. You hear me? Nobody in this world loves you as much as me and your father and we are your parents no matter what."
 
"Yes hooyo, I love you too." I said. She eventually got up, but I laid in the bed and closed my eyes hoping that these past 48 hours were all a nightmare. Praying that when I woke up my parents would be together, Fuad would still be here, and most importantly, I wouldn't be adopted.
 
I woke up from my nap to the sound of loud voices. It must have been my aunt and grandma. I opened my eyes and they both came running to me.
   
"Warsan my baby!" my aunt said jumping on top of the bed.
  
"Nadira you're so crazy get off my baby!" my grandmother said while running to give me a hug. I loved them both so much. My aunt was a single thirty year old woman with the most carefree personality I've ever seen and my grandmother wasn't much different. They were so much fun to be around, usually I would be excited to see them but the news from earlier still had me feeling numb.
  
"We heard that you know everything now and we want you to know that nothing has changed. Ayeeyo and I love you and you are still our baby Warsan. You got that?"
  
"Yes habaryar." I said while looking around the hotel room. I couldn't find hooyo.
   
"It's about time you found out anyway." said my grandmother. "I always thought they should have told you earlier. But at least you know now."
   
"Where's hooyo?" I asked.
   
"She's packing up the car, you guys are staying with us!" exclaimed habaryar Nadira. "Hurry up and get dressed we're about to head there now." I did as she said and got dressed. Hooyo and I sat in the backseat as we rode to the apartment.
  
"How are you feeling honey?" my mother asked.
  
"I'm fine hooyo." I lied. I was completely numb. It seemed like none of what happened had registered in my brain yet. It felt almost as if I was dreaming. We got to the apartment and my aunt showed me where I would sleep.
  
"This is your room." she said as as she guided me into a room painted yellow. I hated yellow. "My friend and her daughter stayed with me for a bit so the room is already decorated, cute right?"
 
"Yes I love it." I said as I sat on the bed.

"I'll give you some time alone so you can adjust yourself." she said as she left the room. I immediately took out my phone and texted Fuad.
  
"Videochat?"
 
"Get on." he replied almost immediately. I took out my laptop and plugged it into the wall. I adjusted myself in the mirror and called him. His face came on the screen and my heart immediately dropped. His curly hair had gotten longer and his brown skin was glowing. He smiled as soon as he saw me.
  
"Hey beautiful." he said.
  
"Hey Fuad."

"Where are you?" he asked. "That doesn't look like your room."
   
"I'm at my aunt's house."
  
"Oh why?" he asked.
    
"It's a really long story baby. You won't believe everything that's happened to me these past few days."
  
"How long is it?"
   
"How long is what?"
  
"Your story."
   
"Umm I don't know, why?"
  
"I had a really long day and it's getting kind of late. Can we talk about it some other time." I felt myself fighting back tears.
   
"Fuad you always do this."
  
"You can't expect us to be how we used to. I'm really busy Warsan and I was hoping that you would understand that. My life has changed so much, you wouldn't understand. Maybe you'll get it once you get here. I'm gonna call it a night for now, you look beautiful by the way. I love-" before he could finish his sentence I slammed the laptop shut. For the first time since we went to the airport I felt something. I cried like a baby into my pillow for the rest of the night. I cried for my mother, I cried over Fuad, I cried because I felt like I lost my father, I cried because I didn't really belong to my parents. I cried and cried and cried and nobody heard. I checked my phone to see if Fuad texted me.
   
"Hey Warsan my parents went to your house today to visit your parents and they saw he was with another family. Is this all true? Did your dad really marry another woman?" It was from Tasneem.
  
"Yes." I replied, my eyes cloudy with tears.
  
"Where are you now?" she
asked.
 
"My aunt's apartment."
   
"I'm coming over tomorrow and spending the night, get some rest I'll be there in there in the morning." I shut my eyes, hoping the time would pass until I got to see my best friend. It was time to come clean.