BROKEN

Regrets

Months had gone by and Faisal was still mourning the death of his mother. He still had not gone back to school and had thrown himself into work. I guess that he was trying everything that he could to keep busy. I couldn't blame him though, it must be tough losing the only parent you grew up with. Our dad was still in town and had even moved in with Faisal, which prompted Ammar and Abdirahman to move out. I hadn't seen much of them, Faisal was right when he said they weren't around much anyway. Faisal never talked much about what it was like living with our dad so I only knew what I saw from visiting him a few times a week. He was a nice man that loved telling stories. He also enjoyed apologizing for his mistakes in every conversation, which got kind of old after a few weeks of knowing him. He had moved in with Faisal to ensure that he always had somebody at home with him. I kept my promise to Faisal's mother and always stayed close to him. I let him meet my family and they had grown to love him. He also spent a lot of time at our apartment. I made sure that he would never have to go without a family. Faisal had become my closest friend. For my whole life I wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling. Meeting Faisal had turned that dream into a reality. Even though he was still upset about the death of his mother, he always made sure that I was alright and I made sure that he was alright. He truly was the perfect brother. Even though months had passed, my school life was pretty much the same. I had befriended Ahmed and Naima but our friendship was strictly a school thing. I hadn't talked to Bayden since the day that I found out her and Hakeem were messing around, but Hakeem had tried talking to me a few times. He was hard to shake but I think that he finally got the message that I didn't want anything to do with him. Him and Bayden were now an official couple aside from being the laughing stock of the school. Naima and I spent our lunches discussing Hakeem's motive for being with her, because there was always a motive with him. It was now December and I still had not heard from Tasneem or Fuad. It's not like I expected them to re-enter my life, but I was hoping that we would magically somehow cross paths. After my break up with Hakeem I spent so long thinking about the dumb decision that I had made when I picked him over Fuad. I also thought about how badly I had hurt Tasneem. Sometimes I would lay down on the couch and think about every wrong move that I had made since the beginning of summer.

"What's on your mind?" asked Faisal one evening as I laid on the couch in his apartment. Our dad wasn't home, he rarely ever was. He didn't have a job out here and he didn't really have any family or friends, so where he was or what he was up to was always a mystery. I sat up and faced Faisal who was sitting in a chair across the living room.

"Have you ever made a mistake so dumb that you cringed every time you though about it?" I asked.

"Kind of." he said. "It would help if you elaborated some more."

"I was going through a lot last summer." I began. "My boyfriend had left to New York, my dad had came back from Africa with a new family, I had found out that I was adopted, my parents were getting a divorce, and I had to move into a new place. It was just a lot for me to handle, I broke under the stress." I explained.

"That's normal." he said. "I felt like that when my mom died. I was lost and broken inside."

"The difference between you and I is that you didn't break everybody else around you." I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"When you were sad you didn't go and look for temporary solutions to make yourself feel better."

"Did you?"

"Yeah."

"What was it?" he asked.

"Hakeem."

"He made it seem like he could fix all of your problems, right?" he asked.

"Yeah he did."

"Never go for a guy like that. If he acts like he can fix you then he's in it for himself. Go for somebody that will help you fix yourself."