Boyfriend ( Justin Beiber Love Story )

Chapter 10 ❤

I sat there. Frozen, shocked as anything. I couldn't believe it. I know I say all the time how much I wanted to die and to hear this shouldn't be so shocking because in a way this is what I want, but looking at my dad's face, just made me realise how selfish I have been this whole time. I could see the pain in his eyes. I could see that he didn't want to lose me.

He already lost mom, he didn't want to face losing another family member that he loves so much. I thought that by me taking my life I would be making things better for everyone, but since now that everyone knows I could die any second now , and seeing their faces, just shows how much they care, and by they, I mean Justin too. Justin looked like he was about to cry. His hands were on his mouth and he was looking down. He looked disappointed in himself.

I could only imagine what he is feeling the poor thing. I could see that he feels like this is his entire fault. But in a way, it isn't. It's my fault too. I let my stupid self-get to this point. I made myself become weak but letting all their comments get to me. I needed to realise that you're always going to get people trying to bring you down, and going down instead of up, is going to make you weak and a different person. I should've always kept my head held high.

Bullies only bully because they are jealous. Justin even said it himself. And that goes for everyone too. That's the reason why. I'm sure they don't mean anything they say, I thought they meant it. I know Liz probably does, but Justin didn't. I can tell. And also he told me. In a way, I do forgive Justin, and I do feel sorry for him. I could imagine how he feels hearing this all. He probably feels like he is the blame, but like I said. It isn't. It's my entire fault, all of it. I shouldn't blame people for my mistakes. Justin wasn't the voice in my mind who told me to do it. It was mine. I let peoples words get to me.

I know I should be focusing on the news I just got, but Justin is all I could think about. Just looking at his face and his expression to this makes me want to cry. My dad too. They both looked crushed.

"I'm sorry for the terrible news..." the doctor said, he probably felt like crap too. No one was speaking. I held a smile on my face and I answered.

"It's okay. Thank you for letting us know I appreciate it. I know it must have been hard." He gave me a warming smile.

"I'll be back to see how you're doing." He left the room. It was silent. Dead silent. Dad was looking out the window and Justin was still looking on the ground stuck in the same position he was in when he found out the news. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the right words.

"I need fresh air." My dad left the room. His voice was quiet and broken. He sounded as if he was about to cry. I felt selfish. If it wasn't for my weakness, and my no sense of control, I wouldn't be in here right now. I just wish I was strong. Strong enough to fight this. But I'm not. I'm stuck here, I could die right now. I have ruined everything. I have done it. I have made my dad cry. I made my dad feel like this is all his fault. I did it because I was selfish. I thought by putting my body through pain I was helping myself, but actually, I was destroying every bit of me, even my family. My dad. My life. I ruined it all. I feel crappy. I couldn't help but cry either. But I kept it in. I needed them to feel like im okay or something.

I looked at Justin. He was still looking on the floor. Hand on his mouth. I didn't know what to say, but I have to say something. If only you could see his face. He looks crushed also. I thought my dad was worse. But Justin expression looks like he could hurt anyone.

"It isn't your fault Justin." I said softly.

" What do you mean it isn't my fault? This is all my fault. Im the reason why you are in here. I did this to you. I cant fix anything. I cant believe it. Im the reason why someone could die any minute because of my selfish reasons because of my jealousy. I feel like sorry isn't enough. I just, I cant believe it." A tear strolled down his cheek. I could hear his heart aching and breaking.

"Justin... It isn't your fault. Please don't. Don't beat your self up about this."

" What do you mean don't? How can I not?!" I could tell he was confused and angry. But there was no reason for that.

"Just listen to me! Its not!" He looked at me with confusion.

" How isnt it my fault? Please explain this to me Julia. Cause I really want to know."

" I shouldn't have let your words get to me. I know now that you never meant anything you did or said, so Im the reason why I am in here, not you. You didnt make this decision."

" Yeah but I helped it! I was he cause of it, If it wasnt for my words, meaning them or not, I shouldnt have said them. Words hurt. And now they coud kill at any second. Its all because of me." In a way he was right, but I dont want him to think this is all his because of him.

" Just listen to me, I dont want you to think that way. Please. For me." He smiled at me. His eyes were watery. He got up off the chair and walked towards my bed, he intwined his warm fingers with mine. Looking at him with tears in his eyes, and feeling his pain, made me cry. he wiped my tears with his thumb and kissed my cheek. I felt fuzzy inside. Like they were butterflies. I amy have forgiven Justin and forgotten everything he has done now, but I will never get with him or make him think that either.

I sat there with my fingers intwined with Justin's, He was sitting in front of my bed, he fell alseep though. He looked so cute. But I wouldnt go there. I know all the stories of the girls he has got with. Especially the relationship with Liz. You know, locking your self up in the school toilets during recess and lunch, you catch up on alot of things.

I was scared. Just seeing all the people who actually care about me, made me realise that I shouldnt take my life and I do hae a reason to live. My dad being the main one, and also the new emerging friendship with Justin. I dont want to die just yet. i cant believe those words are coming out of my mouth. I just dont.

Dad still hasnt come back. Im starting to get worried...I wish I could come out of the bed and hug him. I love my dad so much. He hasnt stopped loving me.

I tightned by hand that was holding Justin's. Im not going to say I trust him 100% because there are a few things I havent forgotten, but since I have been in this hospital, he hasnt left my side, he still managed to make me smile and happy. He stuck up for me. I guess mom was right. Since Justin has been around, I have stopped cutting.... Ive just realised that. I havent attempted suicide since he stopped me. Im in the hospital sort of getting better.. I hope. He has stuck up for me. Maybe he has changed. Mom was right. I should forgive and forget. Even though it will be hard, Im sure I can do it.

I know I said I would'nt, But am I starting to fall for Justin? It cant happen.