Letters To You

4.0

Dear Park Seung Ah,

You know what I liked about you? It's your smile and the way you blushed. You look cute with that combo and it gets me right in my heart.

You didn't smile as often when you were with me, but with Joshua hyung, it was a whole different story. It was like I didn't mattered. I felt like you always saw me through. That I never existed to you in the first place. That really hurt, Seung Ah. You have no idea. 

But even if you pretend that I never existed, you still had the amazing ability to whisk me away without knowing it. It's funny how I was the only one travelling in a fantasy because you were busy attending Joshua hyung. 

At least I got to know that I was once able to make you feel the same way you made me feel. Once. Where did that once go off? Oh, yeah. Into the thrash with all my other fantasies that will stay fantasies. 

Remember when Joshua hyung gave you that rose and Ga Eul noona wanted to talk to him in private? I knew then that I was losing. What did I do to change it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. When the members teased you of being my girlfriend, I was afraid I might seem obvious so I said that wasn't possible. 

You know what's funny? I predicted my own future. 

It's a good thing I'm here alone in the toilet writing another letter to you. I didn't want the members to worry about me when they see my face break. I don't want to explain why, either. 

I'll never ask you this in person, but I'll ask in this letter to feel better. Will you ever forgive me, your ex-crush who was so stupid about aggressively making moves? I should have been better. I should have won your heart and become yours. I know it's too late, I know it's all over for me like a broken dream from when you were a kid, but you know what? You'll forever be my memory. A favourite one, even if you were probably the one who hurt me the most. 

Thanks for all those memories, Seung Ah. Thanks for changing my life. 

~Author's Notes~

All the UOR feels are strong, I cannot. BTS's Love Is Not Over is not helping me either.

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung