sixteen

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C H A P T E R  S I X T E E N

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Anna and I regressed into being strangers, something she decided she was most comfortable with. She wouldn't spare me a second glance whenever she came over and spoke to me only when she needed to.

I'd spend the last two weeks of the month of May trying to sort through my feelings. I tried to tell myself that I didn't care that Anna had gone back to icing me out.

I tried to convince myself that I wasn't confused and hurt with how she cut me out of her life like I'd meant nothing.

It would especially hurt when I thought of all the times she'd looked at me with those deep brown eyes of hers like she could see straight into my soul and the sweet smile she'd reserved for me.

The tears I shed when I was finally in my own solitude after a long day were a testament that my denial tactics weren't successful.

Amanda and I grew closer. It was a feat I'd never thought to be possible but I found the space in my heart for her deepening.

My attention had been stolen by Anna since she'd first kissed me and I'd began to feel the slight drift between my best friend and I but now it was gone.

I was sure Amanda was meant to be in my life until the day I died. She was the only person I could rely on when I felt like the world was against me.

It was the last week of May and we'd already started with our first mid-year exams for the year.

It was only LO and now that the useless subject was out of the way, we had more time to focus on the more serious subjects, like Life Sciences which I felt was kicking my ass.

I was over at Amanda's house on a Saturday. She was trying to tutor me in the damned subject because she'd managed to keep an above-seventy average.

We were on a break at the moment, the TV was on Cartoon Network. Manda and I were watching  The Amazing World of Gumball, a show we'd always considered to be an elixir after a brutal study session.

My head was still spinning with all of the information and I wasn't sure if I'd understood everything that I needed to but my best friend had done her best.

Her head was perched in my lap and her entire body was sprawled through the rest of the couch. We kept a bowl of cashew nuts on the coffee table and two glasses of Oros juice, just like old times.

"Do you think you'll be ready for Life Sciences next week?" Manda asked with her eyes glued to the TV. Her hair was loose, splayed against my bony thighs like a woolly blanket.

"I still feel like it's going to fucking take me out but I'm going to do my best. It just sucks that this is the year that matters the most when it comes to university applications and shit."

"Yeah, it is, but the November exams are the ones we need to worry the most about, not so much these ones. In the end they'll only count twenty-five percent."

"Yeah but what if I tank the November exams and I need the twenty-five percent boost and it doesn't pull through?"

"Aw babe, you say this like you don't have an above-sixty average. Life Sciences and Math Lit may be a pain right now but you are staying afloat. There's no need to work yourself up over this."

I sighed, "you're right."

Manda pressed her hand into my thigh and gently squeezed as a show of comfort.

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