Still the One

Chapter 19 - What's the Fuss?

"You gave an interview to a gossip site with the twins in the centre of it all?"

"Darling, I..."

"You know how I feel about maintaining our privacy as much as possible."

"Ben..."

"Especially when it involves our children."

"Benedict..."

"There are all kinds of weirdos out there and I don't want them put at risk – and now their faces will be plastered all over the Internet and God knows where. Hell, Cara, did you even think about that before you...where are you going?"

"Somewhere you're not."

"We haven't finished discussing this."

"We're not 'discussing' it now, Benedict – you're attacking me without the courtesy of listening to what I have to say, so I'll leave you to enjoy the sound of your own voice in peace. Frankly, I've heard quite enough." I clambered out of the bath, spilling water on the floor in the process without giving a damn. "I'll sleep in the guest room tonight so don't even think about speaking to me again until you're ready to apologise." Wrapping a large towel around myself, I left. Fuming, I collected my nightie and the baby monitor from our room, checked briefly on the babies then went downstairs to the guest room, shutting the door firmly behind me.

I couldn't sleep, of course; I tossed and turned, frustrated, angry and hurt, until the twins' next feed, getting up to them as soon as I heard faint whines and hoping Ben hadn't woken. No such luck; he came in just as I finished feeding Lizzie.

"I'll change her."

I handed her over without a word, getting up to fetch Alex and settling back with him in the armchair. Ben padded around in circles joggling Lizzie to burp her then giving her a clean nappy once that was achieved. I kept my eyes on Alex, not wanting to look at Ben – partly because I was still too upset and partly because he looked so damn beautiful in the soft glow of the lamp and my resistance was low where he's concerned. Bloody man.

Once I gave him Alex to be changed I went straight back downstairs, getting into bed and promptly bursting into tears. Burrowing my head into the pillow so I wouldn't be heard, I sobbed out my pain as well as the stress and frustrations of my day. What had happened to the sweet Ben who made me dinner and ran me a bath? I wondered. Why did he turn into the man who ranted at me and wouldn't give me a second to explain what I'd done to safeguard our children as much as I could? Bloody man! Wiping my eyes, I exchanged my now sopping pillow for a dry one and punched it to try to get comfortable, sighing deeply and praying for sleep. I was still staring at the ceiling when the door opened; I sat up slightly on my elbows to look at his silhouette in the moonlight.

"I can't sleep without you there," he murmured.

I know that feeling; nevertheless, I waited, saying nothing. A hand ran through his already dishevelled hair.

"I just want to keep them safe."

And I don't? I bit back the angry retort and lay down again on the pillows, wondering now whether he'd come to give an apology or just excuses.

"May I come in?"

"That depends entirely on what you've come to say." My tone wasn't exactly welcoming.

"I'm sorry I was such a Neanderthal idiot?"

Moving over a fraction in the bed, I patted a spot next to me and he came and sat down, taking my hand in his and weaving his fingers through mine. "I'm sorry, love, I truly am. I jumped down your throat without giving you the chance to explain and I apologise."