Still the One

Chapter 26 - It's Always You

I was aware of voices around me, though it was if they were speaking underwater; I heard Rick say my name a few times and ask if I was all right then after a moment he swore profusely under his breath.

"What's wrong? What's happening?" Josh asked quietly.

"It's kind of messy," Rick told him in the same tone, then spoke to me again. "Cara, are you okay, love? What do you want to do?"

I was too fragile to answer, neither limbs nor vocal chords capable of moving; all I could do was stare at the woman under the tree. Emotions battered me, leaving me a sapling standing alone in the face of a tornado. Rage I recognised, the same anger I had felt when my father had shown up in London; pain was there too, scratching and tearing at my insides, leaving me bleeding in its wake. But the one that hit me like a bolt of lightning was longing, and I was a ten-year-old child again, yearning for my mother to take me in her arms to comfort me, to tell me she loved me and everything was going to be all right.

Those other brown eyes were still locked on mine, eyes with crow's feet at their edges, eyes shadowed by whatever hand life had dealt them over the years. I recognised the tip of the nose, the shell of the ears, the fullness of the bottom lip. I recognised her, and I recognised myself.

Mama.

I wanted to hug her and slap her at the same time. To yell at her and plead with her. To ask her why and tell her I didn't care what her reasons were. Contradictions swam in my brain while the force of the emotional tide made me tremble and gasp.

"Cara, talk to me, tell me what you want me to do. Should I ask her..."

Before Rick could take more than one step toward her, she turned abruptly and was gone, weaving her way through the dwindling crowd exiting the grounds, lost in the bodies as surely as she'd been lost to me for nearly twenty-five years. At that point my knees gave way and I sank almost to the ground before Rick caught me; a second later Josh was helping him and they both pulled me to my feet.

Voices seemed to sound from far away and everything became a blur of impressions as I relived in my mind every nanosecond that my mother and I had stood staring at each other. "I think she's in a kind of shock," I registered Rick saying, then somehow ended up back at the hotel changed into pyjamas and tucked into bed, curled into the foetal position. Concerned voices came and went, Rick's the only constant as the night wore on while I drifted in limbo, alone in my cocoon of numbness. When natural light began to replace artificial, I knew day had arrived, but didn't yet feel capable of re-joining the real world.

"Cara, I'm here sweetheart." Blankets were thrown back then replaced as a familiar voice pierced my fog and a warm body climbed in behind me. "Everything will be all right, love."

Turning instinctively, I wrapped myself in him, my head finding a haven tucked beneath his chin, his arms cradling me in comfort. He was here and everything, somehow, would be all right. Giving a deeply heartfelt sigh, I finally closed my eyes and allowed my mind to rest.

---

My first awareness was of a steady drumbeat as the fog began to dissipate, allowing morsels of clarity to invade my consciousness. Hauling open my eyelids I blinked, vision blurred by the recent turmoil and, more prosaically, because I wasn't wearing my glasses. I recognised the pale pink patch before me though, from its scent.

"I'm so glad you're here," I told him, my voice a weakened whisper.

Arms tightened around me as his quiet rumble sounded from above my head. "I love you so much, my kooky queen. I missed you."

"I missed you too." My heart wanted to say so much more. Pulling back to allow me to look at his face, I ran my fingers over his dear, familiar features, lingering my gaze as if re-learning them. When our eyes finally met I gasped at the intensity of emotion his held.