letters to dan // dan smith

Chapter 12

Fast-forward to the last day before Dan goes on tour

Beth, Dan, the rest of the band and some friends are at a party hosted by Steph, celebrating the start of the tour. Dan's mingling with some old friends, while Beth stands beside him, sipping a beer and feeling slightly left out. She looks around awkwardly, before spying a familiar face in the crowd.

"Steph!" She calls, weaving her way through the crowd towards the blonde.

"Hey Beth!"

The two girls hug and almost immediately Steph starts filling her in with her plans for her trip around Europe.

Beth listens intently, slightly envious of Steph. She had never really had the chance to travel.

"You're so lucky to be able to travel like this! I can't go anywhere because of uni, and even if I had time, I couldn't afford it. There aren't many well-paid jobs for 20 year olds," she tells Steph.

"Oh darling! I didn't start travelling until I was 25! And that was only because I was going on tour with the guys- I'm part of the backstage team."

"Oh really? So that's why you're at all the gigs! I was meaning to ask you about that," Beth says, grinning at her obliviousness.

"Bethy and Stephy!" A slightly intoxicated Woody makes his way over to the girls.

"Hey Woody," Beth laughs, hugging the taller guy.

"Dan wants to talk to you," he says, slurring his words slightly, tugging her away from Steph. Beth waves at her, and lets Woody drag her away.

"Hello girls," giggles a drunk Kyle.

"Hey! Shut up Kyle!" Woody retorts, and the two of them are soon involved in a drunken argument, attracting quite a crowd.

Dan takes Beth's hand and leads her into the kitchen, which is empty.

"You enjoying the party?" Dan asks.

"Oh yeah, it's great," Beth smiles lightly.

"Do you wanna head back to my place soon? I'm kind of tired and we've got an early start tomorrow."

"We?"

"The manager said you can come backstage but you gotta be there right from the start because there's not enough security to let you in later."

"Really?! I'm going? I love you!" She squeals, hugging Dan around the neck.

Dan laughs and kisses the top of her head.

When the two of them leave the kitchen hand in hand, Kyle wiggles his eye-brows at them.

Beth blushes and gives him the finger, the alcohol taking over her system, making her less polite than usual.

"We're gonna head off guys. Thanks for having us Steph, see you tomorrow." Dan waves around the room in general and everyone replies with calls of "bye guys" or "good luck with the tour". Beth hides slightly behind Dan, uncomfortable with all the attention.


***


Back at Dan's, Beth looks for a t-shirt to wear to bed while Dan fixes them some tea. Beth successfully finds a clean t-shirt and puts it on. The t-shirt goes well past her bum, so she takes off her shorts and climbs into bed in just her underwear and t-shirt. It's too getting warm to sleep in pants anyway.

Dan comes in with two mugs of tea, handing one to Beth and putting the other on the bed-side table. He strips off his t-shirt and jeans and gets into bed in just his boxers.

"I'm so excited for tomorrow. I don't know how you must feel," Beth mutters, sipping her tea.

"I feel kind of sick, to be honest..."

"Really? How come?" She looks concerned.

"This is the biggest tour we've done. Bigger venues, more shows and far more press coverage than usual." Dan actually looks kind of pale.

In her semi-intoxicated state, Beth doesn't know how to comfort him, so she leans over and kisses him deeply.

"Don't worry, okay?" She tells him.

He nods and kisses her again, flipping over so he's hovering over her, her heat radiating onto his bare skin.

Beth sighs with bliss and closes her eyes, her fisted hand resting gently on Dan's chest.

Dan kisses down her neck and starts sucking lightly at her left collar-bone. Beth runs her hand down Dan's stomach and a soft growl from Dan vibrates on Beth's body.


***


The next morning Beth wakes in an empty bed, the sun streaming through a gap in the curtains and the musky smell of sex still on the sheets.

Dan emerges from the bathroom, fresh from the shower with a towel wrapped around his hips.

"Morning," he says, crouching down and reaching under the bed, looking for his t-shirt from last night.

Beth gets out of bed and starts toward the bathroom, but pauses when she sees Dan freeze and frown slightly.

"What?" She asks.

"Oh, nothing. Go shower, I'll make breakfast," he tells her, but doesn't stand up.

"Okie dokie," she nods, picks up last night's shorts and Dan's t-shirt and seconds later the bathroom door slams.


***


Beth leaves the shower wearing the t-shirt and shorts, her wet hair loose, leaving a damp patch on her back. When she spies Dan sitting on the bed, turning a piece of paper over and over in his hands, she stops in her tracks.

"What's that?" She asks, feeling mildly terrified.

"This is one of the letters you forgot to take," says Dan, keeping a stony face.

Beth does a double-take and after a moment's hesitation she replies "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do." Dan's face hasn't changed.

"Where did you find that?" She looks horribly upset.

Dan's face cracks.

A look of pure hurt.

"I thought you trusted me." His voice breaks.

"I-I..." Beth fumbles for words, trying, trying so hard to get him to understand.

Dan stands and advances towards her, almost yelling the words off the page.

"I've been out of the hospital for three months? Everyone's looking at my bandaged wrists? I feel more isolated than ever?! Beth, why didn't you tell me this?"

Beth chokes back a sob and opens her mouth to speak, but Dan beats her to it.

"Where are the other letters? Did you take them? Why, Beth?!" A solitary tear makes its way down Dan's face. "I opened up to you! I told you things my bandmates don't know about me. I trusted you, but you clearly don't trust me enough to tell me that one little detail. I can't believe you Beth!" He's well and truly yelling now.

Dan's free hand rises into the air and Beth flinches away.

"Beth?" Dan's voice is quieter now, "I'm sorry-" Beth backs out of the room, and runs to the front door and slams it shut behind her.

"Beth! Come back! I'm sorry, jesus Beth, I'm sorry!"

But she doesn't turn.

She doesn't show that she's heard him.

She keeps running.