Clandestine: A Story of Three Sisters

Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven- Honeymoon

The carriage slowly crawled to a stop in front of the large cottage, and Jed stepped out into the rain. He lifted a hand to help Charlotte out, but she ignored it and walked past him to the front door. He caught up just as a servant opened the door from the inside and welcomed them in. The house was nicely furnished, as the other little cottage had been, but Jed could now see it was indeed more spacious. It even had two floors, a small staircase led up to one of the bedrooms and the bathing room. The second bedroom, parlor and kitchen were on the bottom floor.

"We'll be staying in the room down here," the servant said of herself and the other servant, a young boy of probably thirteen years who was kneeling in front of the fire place and stoking the flames to grow. "And I've readied the bedroom upstairs for you. Congratulations on the wedding." The congratulations was sincere, but also a little sad. Everyone had felt the shift in atmosphere when Abby had passed. The atmosphere was cold and morose now, much like the weather outside.

Charlotte patted the girl on the shoulder. She knew the servants had all loved Abigail as if she were their own. But the pat was all she could muster in thanks, and she had to leave the room before emotions got to her. The boy was doing a good job starting the fire, the room was becoming warmer by the second. But instead of comforting Charlotte, it was suffocating her.

She went upstairs to her new bedroom and walked in. It was just slightly smaller than hers at home, but still nice. There was a fire started in this room's fireplace already, so the room was warm and lit up, welcoming. But the warmth began to get to her again. She started to unbutton the high collar on the wedding dress, when she heard the door close behind her.

Jed had entered the room and closed the door behind him. He looked at Charlotte but didn't say anything, simply taking off his coat and undoing his cuff links.

Suddenly, the heat was unbearable. He didn't think they were going to... No, she couldn't even think it. She made her way to the window and opened it, breathing in the cool air. Some rain managed to drizzle through the open window, and Jed could see it was wetting the carpet. He walked over and closed it again before it all became soaked. He was sick of the rains already, but they were Charlotte's only comfort.

Jed turned to look at her and slowly said, "I know we don't-- I mean, we aren't-- well, this marriage was arranged." Jed knew he sounded ridiculous, but he had to continue. "But we are married now. And this is our first night. As man and wife."

He could see Charlotte was swallowing a lump in her throat and her eyes were red from holding back tears. He sighed and shook his head.

"Look," he told her, letting go of all formalities and such. "I am in the same position as you are. I have feelings as well, and they're more similar to yours than you think. We are both going through the same thing right now. But it's our duty, and we have things we have to do to fulfill it." Charlotte sucked in a breath and looked away. She looked almost disgusted. Jed shut his eyes tightly and said, "It'll be quick. I won't force you to do anything."

"How will that work?" She whispered, her voice hoarse from holding back everything she had in her.

"You can change into your nightdress and bathe and get ready to sleep. Meanwhile, I'll... prepare... myself... and when I'm ready, I could just... empty myself into you and that'll be the end of it." It was the most awkward sentence Jed had ever spoken, but it was the best idea he had.

Charlotte actually seemed to consider it, though her face scrunched up even more so Jed was sure it was disgust. Finally, she nodded, not looking at him, and walked past him to go to the bathing room.

Jed sighed and went to sit on the edge of the bed. He unzipped his trousers and began his "preparation," his hands working while his mind worked as well. He closed his eyes and thought of Abigail. Her sweet smelling skin, so soft against his. Her big, blue eyes always sparkling with wonder and joy. Her yellow hair that smelled like the fields because she was always running around and tumbling in the grass. Her body, so supple and smooth...

Meanwhile, Charlotte tore herself out of the wedding dress and dove into a cool bath. She scrubbed herself clean, scrubbing so rough her skin turned red. Then she dried herself off and pulled her nightdress over her head. She paced around the bathing room, her mind working a mile a minute. Finally, she thought of something.

Charlotte quickly went to the jewelry box set at a vanity in one corner of the bathing room. She rifled through it until she found a brooch. Then, she used the sharp pin on the back of the brooch to prick the index finger of her right hand. The prick was deep and stung badly, but she didn't cry out. She wiped the brooch off and placed it back in the box with her left hand, her right index finger already pooling with a drop of crimson blood where she'd pricked it.

Charlotte curled her finger against her palm and closed her other fingers over it, making a tight fist so the blood wouldn't seep out and couldn't be seen. Then she made her way back to the bedroom, her right hand still a fist.

She entered the room and immediately closed the door behind her. Jed's back was to her, and he was sitting on the edge of their bed. She could see his hands working at his crotch, his head thrown back and his eyes closed. The only sounds in the room were Jed's heavy breathing and the noise of skin against skin. Charlotte swallowed away her disgust and downcast her eyes.

The sounds of skin stopped, though Jed was still breathing heavily as he turned to her. She knew, without looking up, he was ready for her. She didn't look at him at all, kept her eyes on the floor, as she made her way to bed and lay down on it in the center. Jed felt sick himself, but he moved to crouch over her and lift her nightdress up. Once it was up, he closed his eyes again, trying to think only of Abby as he placed himself inside Charlotte.

While he had climbed over and readied her, Charlotte had kept her head turned to the side so she didn't have to look at him and closed her eyes. She had moved her right hand, still in a fist, below her. When he entered, Charlotte winced a little and her eyes shut tighter. She opened the fist and grabbed the bed sheet, closing her fist over the linen. It only took a minute and a couple of thrusts from Jed for him to finish and empty out inside her. Once he was done, Charlotte pushed him off her and ran back to the bathing room. Jed saw the little blood spots on the bed and nodded to himself. The job was done. He took off his clothes and began to change into his nightclothes.

Charlotte burst into the bathing room and shut the door behind her. She quickly washed her bloody hand in the still draining bathtub. Her hand was sticky with the dried blood, but she managed to get it all off and then examined her finger. The prick was barely noticeable anymore and it had stopped bleeding. By tomorrow, there wouldn't be anymore evidence and no one would know but her.

Knowing this, Charlotte felt relief and slumped against the cool tub. She was shaking and her body ached unpleasantly. Her throat felt raw and she made quiet noises as if she were sobbing, but no tears came out. She was crying without actually crying.

When she got a hold of herself, Charlotte left the bathing room and slowly went back to the bedroom. Jed had just finished changing and was now sitting on the edge of the other side of the bed so he faced her as she walked in.

"Are you alright?" He asked slowly. She nodded, but they both knew it was a lie. "I'm sorry, Charlotte."

She made her way to the other side of the bed and they both lay down, their backs to each other, as far from each other as they could be without falling off the edge of the bed.

Just as they each turned off the lamps on either side of the bed and prepared to sleep, Charlotte spoke in the dark, their backs still to each other.

"You know what I realized?" She asked, continuing before he could ask what. "I realized, during this whole week and a half with the funeral and all, that the word sorry is very easy to say. But it doesn't do anything. Your sorry won't fix me, or anything, so just keep it to yourself from now on."

Those were the last words spoken between man and wife on their first night together.