How to Be a Virgin

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CHAPTER 20

[ Mike ]

"Happy belated birthday, best friend," Derek announced as soon as he joined Calvin, Maya, and I at our usual lunch table. We all raised our heads to look at him in confusion, but he was quick to clarify things when he placed a medium-sized box, wrapped in Christmas paper, in front of me.

After sizing up the box to take a few guesses at what must've been inside, I sent Derek a very deadly and very threatening glare. "No offense, but I'm not interested in any of your presents."

"This one is actually pretty good," Derek insisted as he nudged the box and gave me an "I'm-not-kidding" look. I glanced at Calvin who seemed uninterested in my so-called birthday present and more interested in his handmade sub sandwich. Maya was just as unenthusiastic because all of her attention was set on finishing her last-minute homework, so I came to the conclusion that neither of them contributed to this gift. Nonetheless, I wouldn't put it past Derek to publicly humiliate me for a quick laugh all on his own.

I ran a finger along the frayed edge of the wrapping paper, half-tempted to tear it and crush the anticipation building inside me, but I was still reluctant. "Derek, if this is a joke, I'm not in the mood."

"Just open it," he ordered just as he plopped onto his designated seat next to Calvin and threw an arm around his shoulder. Calvin blushed at the contact, but he tried not to let Derek see.

I squinted at the two of them, but I eventually breathed a long sigh as I took the box in my hands and started to tear away the wrapping paper. Derek bit his lip in anticipation which only made me more worried about the contents of the box. I reached over the table to grab Calvin's knife that he had been using to cut his fruit, moving it between my fingers for a full moment, before I actually used it to cut open the box. Taking a deep breath and hoping for the best, I flipped the box onto its side, only to have a full-sized, gold soccer ball roll onto the table.

Derek pointed at the ball. "Check out the signature."

Obeying his command, I rotated the ball to catch a glimpse at someone's autograph sloppily written in black ink. When I recognized who the signature belonged to, I looked back at Derek. "No way. Gareth Bale? What the fuck, man?"

"That was supposed to be your actual present, but it took a ridiculously long time to get this. At first, I tried to buy it from an illegitimate source and that didn't turn out very well."

"I told you not to," Calvin blurted out. "Maybe you'd still have those three hundred bucks."

"Okay, but how was I supposed to know that the dude was gonna steal my money?" Derek countered.

"He said that he was a soccer player from the Marshall Islands. They don't even have a soccer team!"

Derek rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Look, I don't care how you got it," I interrupted them, "but I love it."

Derek laughed. "See that, Calvin? He loves it."

I checked out of their back-and-forth banter and gave my full attention to the soccer ball, instead. Who would've thought that Derek could be a good friend, after all?

"Hey," Maya spoke up right after she stuffed her now-completed homework into her backpack. "Where's the little kid that you always hang with?"

I frowned at her comment, but answered anyway. "He spends lunch with the drama kids so that they can all rehearse for the school play."

Derek stopped fighting with Calvin, for only a moment, just so he could smile sheepishly at me. "Aren't you glad that I set you guys up?" he asked as though he actually expected an answer, but I just stared at him until he got uncomfortable and eventually looked away.