blue ; gallavich

1

MICKEY

I grip the cold, metal bars tightly and look down at the heart-wrenching word inked into my chest. The man thrusts into me and I remember the old days. The times when Ian was the one fucking me. The times when FireCrotch ran away, off to Crazy Town. God, I miss him so bad. I miss his alienated face and his small little freckles. I need to get out of here so I can go see him. I wouldn't even be in here if it weren't for that back-stabbing bitch, Sammi.

It all changed because of her. Just because her tubby-ass son got dragged off to juvie she had to bring it out on us and rat out Ian, as well. I remember the look on his face and the way he screamed my name, and I screamed his as my voice cracked and the tears of anger and disgust rolled down my cheeks as I looked at Samantha. I would've killed those men, even if it meant my death. I would do anything for Ian. But he wouldn't do the same for me.

They took him off to that fucking psych ward and they changed him. The drugs played tricks on his mind and his emotions went from being a rollercoaster to nothing but a speck of dust. At least when he was going nuts he was himself and not some drugged-up, emotionless wall.

And then he came back and his emotions were strong as ever; maybe a little too strong. He was waking me up at 2 am to have sex and then crying to me about how I will never understand him. And then he just went off and broke me. God, he always meant everything to me and I tried so hard to keep him. Maybe I wasn't the best boyfriend but, shit, I tried. But apparently my efforts of love and comfort weren't enough to make everything better. I couldn't compete with him. The guy who stole his heart.

Until that day, I never knew what it felt like to be truly devistated, to the point where you feel like you've been stabbed in the back with a million sharp, pointy little blades and your emotions have been swallowed by the big monster living in your mind, reminding you of the disappointment you've caused everyone. It's enough to drive one truly mad or to a point of just giving up on life. And that's how I've been feeling.

I look over and see his name engraved into my bare chest- Ian Galagher. "Gallagher is spelled with two L's" I here Ian say in my mind. I remember when he used to come to visit. I remember when the Gallaghers in general used to come visit. But now no one comes- with the exception of Lip or unless they're paid- so it's my duty to bring myself to them.

"You good?" The burly man behind me questions as I relax and he withdraws his dick. I ignore his question, not to be rude- well kinda to be rude in more of a way where I just don't give a fuck about answering strangers questions- but due to the fact that I'm not sure how to answer. Am I good? Because I don't feel that great. Is it just the fact that I'm in jail? Or is it because of Ian? Is it because I wasn't good enough? Or was it because I was good enough, but Caleb or fuckin' Cailou or whatever was better?

I just shrug and he points to the name engraved into my chest. "Family member?" He asks. I chuckle amusedly and shake my head as to say 'no'. Family member? Bitch, you got me fucked up. He nods and replies, "so it's your boyfriend." I sigh in response as an awkward silence fills the room.

"What's your name?" I ask him.

"Street name's Kid Blast cuz I cum and go pretty easy," he winks at me and I roll my eyes, "but my really name is Liam." He's too fuckin' happy to be in this shithole.

I nod. "Mickey. How long you been here?"

"Five years. Tried to kill a man with my bare hands for rippin' me off." He stretches and lifts his arms sky- or ceiling- high. Would not have guessed that. "But there's more to my life than just this place." Jesus fuck, just shut up already. "But, I have hope or whatever."

"Hope for what? Leaving?" I ask him with a hint of a scoff in my tone.

"Yeah. Next week they're bringing in new inmates, which means they gotta let some of us out 'cause of overcrowding. They look at our behavior since we've been in here and if we've been good, we go. But I got nothing out there for me. I'm safer here than anywhere else so what would be the point of leaving?"

"You talk a lot." I mumble under my breath, as I fold a crusty, white-ish undershirt. "I need to get out of here. It's been a few years now and I have things to see and people to do." I wink to myself, following it with a cringe at my stupidity, as I inattentively unfold my ratty shirt.

Did I seriously just say that?

"Him?" Liam asks as he points to the name tattooed into my chest.

I sigh. "Yup." He nods his head understandingly and clears his throat loudly in response.

"Yeah," he sighs, "I know how it feels to be forgotten by someone - everyone - and want to get them back." He's just about to leave as he turns around and says, "Also, I heard that you're on the list." I look up at him, my eyes widened in shock. I'm on the list? Why? I stabbed some fat fuck in the eye with a fork. "Okay, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now." He laughs and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Go see him, Mickey." I shove him off and he shuffles out of the cramped little cell as I sit on the rock hard mattress.

He doesn't even wanna see you, Mick, I think to myself, who would?