blue ; gallavich

3

MICKEY

I look over at the guard as he hands me a bag containing my clothes. This is it, Mick, I think to myself. This is fucking it. My heart starts beating heavily and I take a few breaths to calm myself down as I sit down on the bed one last time. I'm happy to be getting out of this Hellhole, but terrified of what lies beyond it.

Liam- is that his name?- enters the room and looks at me and smiles. "You're a free man, Milkovich." The thought of that should make me ecstatic, but instead I just feel numb. "You finally get to see your lover- or whatever he is."

"Yeah, well, this isn't about him anymore." I lie. "He's moved on, anyways."

He looks down at the ground and shrugs as an alarm is heard screeching at the inmates.

"Andrews! Brooks! Braylen! Cavastine!" The officer begins calling off names as inmates walk up and get handcuffed, then are led to the door. I feel butterflies in my stomach as they get closer and closer to me. J... K... L...

"Martinez! Menson! Milkovich!" I slowly step down the stairs and towards the officer, and he looks at me judgmentally as I glare at him. I walk out the huge metal doors as the sun glistens in my eyes and reflects off of the white snow. I take a deep breath, supplying my lungs with as much fresh air as possible. Holy fuck, how long have I been indoors?

I look around to see former inmates greeting their families and friends. They smile and laugh. Hug and cry. I remember when Ian and Mandy came to get me last time. Ian put his arm around me and, being who I am, I shoved it off. But honestly, I was so happy when I saw his face. I walked down the stairs and his smile lit up and he made a joke about living in a bad area and I chuckled. But now, no one cares. How could it all have been so happy, but in a few years gone to complete shit? What the fuck happened?

I've been walking down the road for about an hour, completely out of breath but not wanting to stop. I do though, leaning my upper body on my thighs to take a breather. What the fuck do I do now? I can't go to Ian. I just can't bring myself to do it. And I'm really not in the mood to deal with Svetlana's bullshit.

I just pause to think and realize I'm blank out of ideas until one finally pops up. Mandy, I think to myself as I start running. I run as fast as I can until my thighs start burning and my heart begins pumping out of my chest, but that doesn't stop me.

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I look around and I realize I'm home. Or, at least, as close to home as I will ever be. A home is a place where people love and care about you. You feel comfortable in it and you feel safe. This may not be the safest place in Chicago. The people here may not be sweet and kind, but they're my people. And maybe some people here don't give a fuck about me- actually, I can name a lot of people who hate me- but at least one does. Mandy. Well, I hope she does. And that's all that counts for me.

I look over to my left and see The Alibi Room. I smile, thinking about the good old days in that bar. Then, I stop thinking about those times because I keep in mind that it's full of assholes. I check my pocket and to my luck there's still the forty dollars I came into prison with. Dumb ass security can't even check a pair of fucking pants without missing something. I grin, very content with myself, and walk into the bar.

"I'll take a beer." I say at the entrance of the door as Kev looks at me and smiles.

"Oh my God, Mickey!" He says, as his face lights up happily. "What's up, man? I though you had, like, ten more years left. What happened, dude?" He asks as he hands me a beer.

"Good behavior. Got let out early."

"Good behavior? I think they got the wrong guy, Milkovich." He plays as I chuckle lightly, my lips pulling up a little. Me grinning? That's really fucking rare.

I finish my beer and, Kev being Kev, he pays for my drink, telling me that "I'm family so it's on the house." It makes me happy knowing that some people here do care about me. They may not show it often, but I guess they really do.

I walk down a few alleyways, thugs that I know waving and cussing to express their emotions on my arrival. I walk up the steps to my old house and take a deep breath, bracing myself for what could be behind that door. I clench my fist in case it's Terry and knock on the large wooden slab leading to the entrance of my old residence.

No answer, so I try again. Nothing. "It's your fucking brother, now open the fucking door, you cunt!" I yell at Mandy. I hear no response and ask myself, you really think she'd be in this shithole right now? And where the fuck are Collin and Iggy? Where's my piece of shit family? I walk back down the steps and look around at the neighborhood before making a gut-wrenching decision.

The Gallaghers. I have to go see the Gallaghers. It's not that I want to, or at least that's what I attempt to convince myself into believing- which fails miserably. But Mands could be over there, and, in all honesty, I miss that Assface. Though I'd never admit that.

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I stop in front of the short metal gate and force myself to proceed, which doesn't really work. I continue to stand there like an idiot, looking at the door. I'm just about to turn around, but I stop myself, realizing that if I do I will have nowhere to go.

My hands shake and my lip quivers every time I take a breath. How the fuck can it be this cold out when the sun is shining right on me? That's not fuckin' right. Stop distracting yourself, Mickey. Just go to the door and fucking knock on it already. Stop being a fucking pussy.

Okay.

I walk up the steps and look at the door, feeling extremely uneasy. I nervously run my hands through my hair and look at my reflection in a shattered mirror that's sitting on the porch. Damn, I've grown some scruff. I rub the little hairs growing under my chin and grimace at myself. I need to fucking shave. I look up at the window and see a bright light casting illumination in the darkness. They're home. I close my eyes and move my hand up to the wooden door.

Just fucking knock.