Big Time Pain

Chapter 8

“DUDE!!  Why did you do that?  You know we’re gonna get FIRED, right!?” James shouts at Carlos as they walk back to the Palmwoods.  Carlos, striding ahead of the others, doesn’t respond nor look back.

“Maybe we should go back and…” Logan tries to plead.

“Go BACK?! HA! You can go back to that, maybe, if you want to, I don’t know, be MURDERED!!!”  Kendall yells.

“I’m not going back to that.  Ever.  He doesn’t know we’re actual people, and I’m sick of it.  I’m done.” Carlos tells them, shockingly final and almost demonic.

“But” Logan starts.

“No, nothing will make me go back there.  Not today, not ever.”

“Dude, you just need to cool off and we can go back tomorrow” Kendall tries to negotiate.

“NO!!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MEANT WHEN I SAID NEVER?!  I MEAN NEVER!  NOW LEAVE ME ALONE OR GOD HELP ME, I WILL SMOTHER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!” A demented Carlos turns around, his eyes wide and pupils almost completely black.

All the guys slowly step away from crazy Carlos, glancing between each other.  None of them have seen their friend in such a fit; cursing, even!  It’s just not like him.

After one last intimidating glare, Carlos stalks away, knocking over a garbage can on the way, sending trash flying across the road with the gusty wind that suddenly swept into Los Angeles.  One look overhead and they can see the weather is directly associated with Carlos’ feelings, as the clouds rumble with thunder overhead in a menacing way.  They watch their friend turn the corner and hope he doesn’t hurt anyone in his sudden, unexplained fit of rage.  This just isn’t him.

My eyes slightly open as I take a deep breath, cringing in excruciating pain.  Apparently, I’m in the ICU, but from what the nurses are saying, I just had major surgery.  I try to concentrate on what exactly they’re speaking about, but their faces blur and the words coming out of their mouths seem to disappear before they reach my ear.  What was I originally in here for?  God, I can’t even remember.  Wasn’t there someone who came to visit?  Was it my mother?  Brother?  God.  I can’t believe they’re not letting me in on ANYTHING!  What’s wrong with me?  Am I dying?  Oh, please God, no…  My eyes water and blur into the all too familiar darkness.

Sitting all alone in Palmwoods Park, Carlos doesn’t know what to do.  Filled with unimaginable rage, he wrings his hands together over and over.  What just happened?  Why can’t he calm down?  He doesn’t know and it’s killing him.  He runs the whole way to the hospital.

“If there’s anyone you want to see, I suggest you give them a call.  We’re not sure how well you’re going to recover.  This may be your last chance to tell them anything important.  Do you understand?” The doctor gives me the grim diagnosis.

“Yeah.”  Ok, I understand I’m going to die, but I don’t remember who I will or could call, so how am I supposed to do that?  I guess I resolved everything I had to, but I have no idea what that might be. 

I close my eyes and settle into the black that surrounds me.  Every time I let myself go, I know I’m closer than ever to never coming back, but each day that becomes more reassuring and positive.

Carlos doesn’t know what he’s doing, but a nagging feeling inside tells him he needs to go see Chelsea…NOW!  And, of course, he fears the worst.

“Um, I’m here to see Chelsea.  Can I?”  His mind tumbles together like clothes in a dryer as he tries not to rush to conclusions.

“Oh, I’m glad you came.  We don’t know if she’ll make it, so I’m glad she has someone to come visit her.  Go on in.  Please, say all you need to.  You may not get another chance.”  The elderly woman tells him, a sympathetic look falling over her face.

His face in shock, saying he’s confused is the understatement of the year.  Carlos ran straight to her room to see her looking like death itself.  A living corpse, her face is an ashen color, lips tinted blue, and eyes closed.  It’s as if she’s already dead.

Carlos approaches her bedside and sets his hand on her cheek, a shock of icy coldness shoots up his arm.  His eyes flit to the monitors to make sure she’s still alive.  For now, at least.

Chelsea’s eyelids open a bit, showing the most lifeless eyes he’s ever seen.  The sparkle from a few days ago has diminished to nothing more than a shadow.  How could this have happened?

“Oh, you’re so beautiful.  Are you an angel?” 

Her voice scares him, as her lungs sound raspy and old, almost as if with every fleeting word, they are falling apart.

“Don’t you recognize me?  Do you remember?”  Desperate, he silently prays she hasn’t forgotten him.  Carlos doesn’t know what he would do if she did.

“Should I?  You’re an angel, right?  To take me to heaven?  That’s where I’m going, right?  To heaven with you?”  Her innocence makes him cry.  A fat tear falls down his cheek.  She really doesn’t remember.  She really doesn’t know him.

“No.  I mean, yes, but you need to stay here.  Someone needs you right now and you can’t leave him.”  Carlos chokes out the only words he can find.

“I don’t think I can do that.  I hurt so bad.  I just want it to be over.  Please tell him I’m sorry but I can’t do it.  I want to go with you.  Please?”  A hurt look crosses Chelsea’s face and Carlos can tell she’s giving up.  He tried to make her stay, but it’s useless.  Anyways, he doesn’t want her to suffer here.  That’s not what she deserves.  She needs to go.

“Ok, but just know he loves you.  He loves you so much.”  Carlos quickly pulls a chair up to the side of her bed and sits, grabbing her hand, hoping he can convince her one last time to stay.  No matter how he tries to stop them, a steady stream of tears floods his face, dropping onto his shirt and her hand.

“I love him, too.  Tell him that, ok?  Can we go now?”  Chelsea’s expectant eyes seem to almost sparkle at that idea.  Almost.

“Yes.  You can go.”  He finally lets go of the one person he’s ever truly loved.

Carlos watches as her eyes flutter shut, she takes one last breath, and the monitors blip in alert that she’s left him for the last time.

He can’t help it.  Sobs escape from his chest and he screams for her to come back to him.

“NO!!!  You can’t leave me here!  I can’t be here without you!  Please don’t leave me alone!!”  More sobs come, choking him as he holds her next to his chest, hoping to share a heartbeat and bring her back.

Two nurses dash into the room, see Carlos, and pull him off Chelsea.  One takes him to the lobby while the other pages a doctor.

“NO!”  Carlos screams, extending an arm towards her.  He can’t leave her.  She can’t leave him.  This can’t be happening!

Struggling against the surprisingly strong woman, he can’t break free and is drug to the waiting room, planted into a seat and the lady sits down beside him.

“Did you get to say what you wanted?”

“She can’t be gone.  She just can’t…” Carlos mutters to himself, lost in a world he’s never been in.  It’s as if he’s stuck in an alternate world between a fantasy and reality. 

“Honey, I’m sorry.  She must have been special to you.”

Carlos doesn’t know what to say.  Turning away from the kind woman, he sees the sun about to set.  Wow.  It’s been just a day and a half that he’s known Chelsea and he doesn’t know how he’ll go on without her.  Why couldn’t he have met her the very second he came to Hollywood?  He could have given her all the love she needed.  

“Dear?  Is there anything I can do?”  The woman sets her hand onto Carlos’ left shoulder.

“Uh, no.  Thanks.  I think I’ll be ok.”  Little does she know, he won’t be fine.  His life is turned completely upside down.