Purgatory (bxb)

Chapter 9

"And the sound of the cries, when a family's loved one dies, it echoes through a vacant room where a young soul still resides."
---

Aiden had not been taught to deal with this.

He knew how to detect lies, detect emotions, but how was he supposed to deal with this?

Aiden liked to think of himself as optimistic, always looking on the bright side, because nothing could hurt him if he didn't let it.

But where was the bright side in this one? He could be thankful Nick was still here, that Nick and Kyle had at least found each other, but when he thought of Chris everything was dark.

It all clicked together now, how Nick had looked so lifeless when Aiden arrived back.

"I also told you I wouldn't want to live in a world without any of them."

Aiden started to see it all, everything he had been blind to. Glimpses of red, angry lines that were barely visible, covered by the long sleeves Nick always wore. The sorrow and shock on Mrs Carter's face as Nick dragged him away, after he had asked for Chris. A part of him wished he'd remained blind to everything around him.

"When?"

He closed his eyes as he willed his tears back. For how long had he been oblivious to the death of one of his best friends, and the pain of another?

"Three months ago."

Three months. Was that also how long Nick had been left alone, with nobody to turn to?

"Why?"

A shrug. Nick looked away, as if he would rather be anywhere else, with anyone else.

The boy beside him who grew to hate the world and everyone in it, was he born three months ago, was he there to witness Chris' death, to say his goodbyes?

What did Aiden say, what could he say?

"Save your apologies and condolences. The dead can't hear them."

Nick was right.

The dead couldn't hear anything anymore, couldn't think, couldn't feel.

Aiden composed himself and opened his eyes, his vision blurring with unshed tears as he looked at the boy who had to endure the weight of his emotions alone. The dead couldn't feel anymore, but the living could.

"I'm sorry," he held up a hand when Nick went to stop him, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Maybe he would still be alive if I'd been here, but we don't know that, do we?"

He managed a smile, his emotions genuine as he placed a protective hand on Nick's shoulder.

"But I could've been there for you. I wasn't, and I'm going to make up for that. I'll take over his role, so just let everything go and I'll handle it."

Nick was silent now, refusing to look at Aiden, but that didn't matter. It would not be an overnight development, but Nick could learn to love again, and Aiden didn't care how long it took as long as he would get his friend back.

"You have me, you have Kyle, and we're not going anywhere, so just trust us."
---

Aiden sat in his room that night, he didn't even go out for dinner. A part of him was afraid he wouldn't be able to stomach it.

He was a happy person, he wanted to be known as a happy person, but that didn't mean he was a stranger to pain.

With trust and love came hurt, but most of the time it was worth it, and Aiden knew that.

Memories, lessons, moments to look back on later in life, he wouldn't have had those if he didn't dare to love and lose. He had lost just as much as he had loved, but it was always worth it.

He knew that, but that didn't make it hurt any less, didn't make the hole in his chest any smaller.

He leaned his head against the headboard of his bed, a shaky sigh leaving his lips.

He remembered Chris, the way he would scrunch his nose in disapproval like the health enthusiast he was when they voted to eat at MacDonald's, the way he would never let anyone insult Nick or even Aiden without walking away with a bruise, no matter who was in the wrong.

"Don't ever let anyone tell you how to live your life."

Chris was the older brother he never had, one of the only people who had no expectations of him, who did not befriend or train him solely for his future position as Beta. Chris was a human with a heart bigger than most of the people Aiden knew, who loved fiercely and never took anything for granted.

Chris was always giving, never asking for anything in return. He never took anything for granted, yet they had all assumed Chris would always be there for them.

Chris was always giving, and they were always taking, and that's probably why nobody noticed when Chris had nothing left to give.

They didn't really know Chris at all, did they?

Nobody even considered the possibility of depression, nobody wanted to believe that a guy like Chris, someone with such a big heart, who would give up his life to protect the ones he loved, would be the one to pull the trigger at himself.

Chris wanted to be seen as a happy person, too. So he looked on the bright side, provided a path out of their dark times, like a light at the end of the tunnel, but nobody noticed when the light started to flicker, started to die, not until it was too late.

Aiden remembered Chris, but he didn't want to. He wanted to see Chris, to talk to him, live in the present instead of having to look back at the past they shared.

He missed Chris.

He squeezed his eyes shut, the movement forcing out a stray tear. When he woke up the next morning, he would be more than just Nick's childhood friend. He would be the older brother Nick deserved, the one Nick would rely on, the one who would help Nick learn to love again.

Until then, he let himself go, and cried.