Purgatory (bxb)

Chapter 18

"So what do I do now? I don't keep love around. What do I do now? I don't keep love around. What do I do now?"
---

Affection is a funny thing.

It latches you onto something, someone, and doesn't ever let you go.

Affection has its own way of shifting the blame, to make you feel as if you cannot let someone go, when in reality you are not allowed to, not until affection has been satisfied.

Affection is complicated, and so it is commonly mistaken for infatuation, for love.

It hovers around you, just waiting for the right target to attach to you.

I have once again fallen prey to affection.

"You look deep in thought, sweetie. Is there a girl you like?"

I look up from my bowl of cereal, meeting the mischievous eyes of my mother. I shake my head.

Mornings aren't the best time for conversations about sexuality, but mornings are the only time I have with my mother.

I'm not ready to lose mom, to face her disappointment. I may not care what others think about me, but mom is the only person I can rely on.

Will she leave me too, if I ever come out?

I don't want to find out.

Mom laughs, and it is for the first time genuine, so filled with amusement it makes the corners of my lips twitch.

"Is there a boy, then?"

I choke on the cereal, dropping the spoon as I reach for the box of tissue to clean up the mess.

I don't know if she is joking, if this is a test. What do I say?

Mom's smile widens.

"What's he like? He has to be special if he can get you all flustered like this. Is it Aiden?"

I choke again, this time in horror.

"No!"

I look away from her curious eyes.

"It's not Aiden."

Mom hums, and leans forward, resting her hands on the table. She is patient, and knows not to push too far.

"What's his name?"

I do not stutter, or bite my lips. At least I haven't, not until now.

"K-Kyle. Kyle Wilson."
---

Kyle Wilson.

I just can't get him out of my head, and if that isn't bad enough, I can't stop blushing.

It's obvious, too, with the way Jordan, the school's social butterfly cannot help but notice it.

"Are you okay, Nick? You look a little flushed. Do you need to see a doctor?"

I shake my head and sigh as the teacher walks into the classroom.

Kyle is driving me insane, which is a hassle to deal with because I have already missed a day of school for the first time.

I have to catch up on my studies, which is an impossible task when I can only look forward to meeting Kyle and Aiden after school.

I would join them during lunch, but their table is always filled with people. I can't help but wonder just how many students in this school are werewolves.

I touch my fingers to my lips, the kiss we shared a few days ago replaying in my mind over and over again. There is a fuzziness in my stomach I just can't shake off.

Infatuation is a troublesome thing.

Mr Fuller clears his throat, and the class is silent as they turn their attention to him.

"We have a new student today. Please make her feel welcome."

The door opens and Sylvia walks in.
---

"You really have quite the reputation, don't you?"

I raise an eyebrow in question.

Sylvia is the living representation of my father's love, a constant reminder that my family wasn't good enough for Leo, but I do not blame her, because she isn't at fault.

We were all children competing for the love of a single man, and Leo chose Sylvia, because she is more worthy of his love and efforts, because he loved her mother and not mine.

Sylvia takes a bite of her sandwich, her back leaning against the tree as she continues.

"Jordan caught me staring at you and he said I shouldn't bother. Apparently, you are unappreciative of those trying to befriend you."

I scoff.

"It's not my fault they cannot handle the truth. I told him he should act on his words instead of just boasting about his goals."

Sylvia smiles.

"Well, we all have our flaws." She pauses for a bit, as if contemplating. "Do you ever get lonely by yourself, without any friends? I know you have Kyle and Aiden, but you don't sit with them at lunch."

I shrug.

When you start to embrace loneliness, to regard it as company, you no longer feel lonely.

"I'd rather be alone than have to lie through my teeth for people to like me."

She nods, and drops the small talk. There was a reason she wanted to talk, and I will hear it.

"Dad told me about what happened. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter anymore. It isn't your fault. He made the decision to be your father and not mine."

Sylvia shakes her head.

"I still am sorry, but I know he still cares about you and your family. He told me you and Chris were his everything."

I do not reply.

If we were really his everything, would he have abandoned us so easily, would he have cut off all contact with us?

If this goes on, I fear I may snap. I do not wish to continue the subject, so I change the topic.

"Aiden was only standing up for me yesterday. He's a great guy, so don't think badly of him."

Have I changed in the past week, so much that I am now encouraging the one feeling I don't believe in?

By speaking up for Aiden, trying to bring him closer to his mate, am I causing him harm through inevitable heartbreak?

I don't know, but I know Aiden will be happy with her, and I know Sylvia will be able to love him in ways I cannot love Kyle.

Sylvia nods, a blush forming on her cheeks. She will love Aiden fiercely, in the way he deserves to be loved.

I cannot bear to watch them fall, but I will keep them up for as long as I can.