Amanda And John [EN] (SAW FANFIC)

#1

Amanda Young threw herself upon her bed, tears running down her cheeks. She made a mistake, she thought, a huge fucking mistake. What was she thinking? Joining John on his quest to 'help' people by forcing them into those hideous death traps that resembled some sort of medieval torture devices. Her fingers ran through her hair, her broken nails slightly scratching the skin of her scalp. Everything had gone wrong since she passed that damned test. If it didn't help her, like John said it would, she knew it wouldn't help anyone else. Her life was completely demolished, and she soon found herself tempted by old demons. Amanda didn't want all of this to happen. It was just one mistake.
One big mistake.
She looked over at the mirror hanging over her bed. The linen cloth of the canopy covered the glassy surface slight, obscuring her very image. She stared at her reflection. She was disgusted with the pathetic broken girl looking right back at her. With her slender form and sunken in eyes with those dark circles around them she looked like someone out of a Modigliani painting. She screamed, grabbing at her hair and pulling hard. She needed something.

Amanda's hands lowered from her head to the bed covers, clenching them tightly as she let the tears flow freely from her burning eyes. She sniffed loudy. What was she doing here anyway? Did she really want to be with John like this, in a relationship where she received no real signs of love? Did he even care of her? Who knows, he has always been hard for her to read.

Why did everything seem to go wrong for her?

All her life she drugged the pain away and now, because of John, she couldn't. She didn't have the time to. And she knew just what would happen if he caught her doing so.

Autophobia. Everything in her life was about this. She knew it. Out of all the miserable pieces of shit she had come across, she hated herself most of all. She growled in frustration as the rivers of tears continued to travel down her reddened face. She felt so worthless and alone in this world.

She tried to swallow it all down. She tried to place it in the back of her mind, but without the help of her mood and mind altering drugs it was just too hard. There was no way she could just make all of pain go away. She knew a way to make her mind stop racing, to make everything just shup up. She made a sour face and gritted her teeth as she reached for her pillow picking it up and throwing it off the bed. Where the pillow once was sat there a tool box. She grabbed it. Her box, she thought, a box that was full of raw emotion;every tear and pain she put into this box.

Her hands reached in, spreading apart every tool that lay within it, looking for that special item she always used at times like this. Amanda raised her hand, a knife placed in it. She squeezed the handle, gazing at the blade with amusement. The edges were covered with dried blood;her blood. She was proud of it. She pressed the dull side of the knife to her chest, nuzzling it lovingly.