paper thin (phan)

t w e l v e

(a/n: lets uncover some mysteries, shall we!?!?!)

"This is my fault," Phil spoke as he sat in the chair next to Louise. Dan's parents were outside the room, speaking to the doctors. Dan was asleep in his bed, oxygen mask attached to his tear-streaked face and his burns littering his body. "I shouldn't have ever done what Jason said."

Louise reached over, patting Phil's back. "You didn't know it would turn out like this, Phil. And I'm not saying that what you did is okay, because it's anything but, but it's not like you meant for Dan to nearly die."

"What if he doesn't wake up?" Phil whispered.

"He'll wake up," Louise reassured the sleepy boy next to her. She was silent before speaking up again, her eyes still on an unconscious Dan in his bed. "What even was your bet about?"

"It was years ago that they made it. I just now decided to act on it. . . but that's not the case. I just missed him. They wanted to see if I could take Dan's virginity just like I have with everyone else. Or so everybody thinks."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a virgin too," Phil chuckled, avoiding Louise's gaze who dropped her jaw. "I know- crazy, right? I've been offered sex many times, but I never did anything with anyone except make out. I just feel kind of. . ."

"Insecure?" Louise finished. Phil nodded, looking over at the blonde girl. "That's fine, Phil. You're not a prude for that. It's your body. But if that's true, then why does everyone call you the school whore and say you slept with them?"

"I tell them to. And they listen. I'm scary enough to them to where they'll do anything I say. . . It's all about reputation."

Louise gulped. "Dan isn't afraid of you."

"That's because we have history. He's afraid of us, not me. . ." Phil took a breath before beginning his story. "It was a few years ago. I had slept over because it was raining and I was on a bike, so Dan let me go upstairs and dry off. That's when I found it."

"Found what?"

"The paper."

Phil huffed a breath as he huddled inside the cozy home, thanking Dan for letting him come inside.

"There's some dry clothes in my closet. You can borrow some. I-I'll make you some hot chocolate?" Dan offered to his best friend. Phil flashed a warm smile before heading upstairs into Dan's bedroom, digging through his closet when he felt paper touch his fingers. Phil paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he pulled out the sheet of paper.

It was a portrait of himself. Phil Lester was drawn on the paper, his face only. His hair dusted over his big blue eyes, streaks of yellow and cyan detailed nicely. His lips were a soft peach color, his skin practically white. Except there was something odd. A piece had been ripped off.

Phil blinked and began digging in Dan's clothes to find the missing piece, in a rush to discover it before Dan would come in. He spotted it, pulling it in just in time for Dan to knock on the door. Phil was just about to hide the papers under the clothes, but it was too late, because Dan had already walked in.

They both froze. But Phil's eyes made his way to the ripped paper, seeing a self-portrait of Dan with his full body, although he looked like just a line. Tears were coming from his eyes, and Phil pieced the pictures together, seeing that Dan was looking up at Phil in the drawing. Then he flipped it over, and there was a long note, with a title at the top.

I Am Paper Thin.

And then Dan dropped the mugs, the liquid staining the beige carpet beneath his bare feet and glass smashing. Dan stood, frozen. "Where d-did you find-"

"In your clothes. Dan, what is this supposed to be?" Phil spoke up, about to read the note when Dan snatched it from him.

"It's none of your business! That's my private stuff!"

"It was in your clothes where you told me to look at! Sorry you suck at hiding places!" Phil argued, dropping his hands. "I'm not mad, I just wanna know what the note says."

"Well you're not going to."

"Dan, why were you crying in that portrait?" Phil questioned, but Dan didn't answer, only kneeled down to shove his art away. "What does the note say?" Dan ignored him again. "Please just let me read it!"

"It's about you!" Dan jumped up, screaming in Phil's face as his toffee eyes began to water. "The note is about you."

"About me how?"

"I'm in love with you, that's how," Dan blurted, and Phil instantly tensed, shocked. "I've been in love with you and I hate myself every day that I don't move on from you. Every little thing you do is art to me, every little feature on your body belongs on some freaking statute in the Louvre, every little word you say belongs in a bestselling book. I've been so scared of telling you this because I know your reputation, I know you hit it then leave it and I know I shouldn't love you, but dammit you're so perfect and I'm stuck."

"Dan. . ."

"I'm n-not asking you to date me. I'm not asking you to even love me back, but I do wanna know how you feel. Truthfully."

It was silent until Phil spoke softly. "I just. . . I think. . . I love you. . . but as a friend- I-"

"I knew it, I'm s-sorry I was stupid."

"Dan-"

"I get it, I have anxiety and I'm a virgin and I've got antidepressants in my drawer for God's sake, j-just dry off and get out please."

"I'm sorry-"

"Just get out!"

And soon enough Phil did, leaving the stained hot cocoa and drawings with Dan.

But Dan didn't know that Phil had kept a piece of it, the picture of Dan crying. And Dan didn't know that the reason Phil had rejected him was because he had made a stupid bet with this boy named Jason to pretend to love him, to get him in bed then push him right back out.

And Dan didn't know that Phil was just as in love with Dan as he was with Phil.