Survive for Another Time

Chapter 17

"We can't go now: it's nearly night time." muttered Clarke as she looked at the sun lowering. "We can't wait for sun rise either or he will either be truly dead or half eaten."

Octavia who was next to her made a grimace but kept quiet, letting Clarke think of her own.

"Plus in the dark we would be easy prey to any predators. Or traps made by Survivors."

The blonde was remembering the panther and piked pit traps surrounding the tree on which Jasper had been tied to in her memories of the future and the fact that even Grounders did not travel in the forest by night without a very good reason as it held many dangers. Like the Pauna.

"I will go alone." she decided in the end.

Her plan was to intercept the grounders as they dug the pit trap and attempt to start a peaceful exchange with them.

"What? No!" exclaimed Octavia. "I'm going with you!"
"No, you're not." came Bellamy's voice from behind them, making his sister startle and Clarke smirk as she had heard him come, glad that her senses were sharpening.
"And why the hell not?!" retorted Octavia.

Bellamy was probably about to say something about protecting her because she was his baby sister when Clarke spoke.

"Because you are not stealthy nor fast enough. Because you would be a burden and i work better alone." Or with Lexa...

Octavia frowned but accepted what Clarke said with a snort while Bellamy looked at Clarke again, wondering for the umpteenth time what she was capable of doing and who she was back on the Ark. Clarke went to the drop ship and retreived a make shift bag and an additional shrapnel bringing the number of knife simile up to two then left the delinquent's camp for the forest intent on finding Finn before the grounders put him on a tree or the panther got him.

She walked in silence in the darkening forest. She could hear birds sing and insects buzzing and had no feeling of being watched. She wondered where Lincoln was and decided that he was probably observing Octavia from afar. Her thoughts then turned to Miller she had seen on her way out. He had stood on a log, quietly talking with another as he ate some of the buck's meat. Clarke smiled sadly at the thought that Miller had been separated from his boyfriend Bryan who would end up in the Farm Station in the middle of Azgeda territory. Then she reflected that she was probably the only one aware of his preferences considering how private he was.

Lexa and her had been private.
Not out of shyness but because of the novelty of the relationship for Clarke. The blonde had never been attracted by women before, her kiss with Lexa was new and tender and soft yet urging with latent feelings. Her night with Niylah was the first time she had been with a women physically. Her heart had beaten strongly in her chest and her blood had pounded in her head, the sensations twirling and overbearing her. Yet there was no feeling or passion. It was curiosity that led Clarke that night. A curiosity that she never regretted. It had allowed her to be ready when it truly mattered with Lexa. It had allowed her to lead the two of them in their bout of love making.

For that was what it was, love. It had not been immediate and had not overwhelmed Clarke at the first sight of Lexa. No the first thing Clarke had felt before and as she met Lexa was fear of encountering the Heda kom Kongeda of the Twelve Clans. Then had come respect and admiration, confusion with the kiss, trepidation with the coming of the battle, awe of the Heda's dedication and finally hope for a better future when the brunette had invited her to their capital.
After Lexa's betrayal she felt abandoned, the very future she was imagining ripped away and once she had saved her people she had felt broken, covered in blood and a murderer. With no future, a present that was too painful and horrifying and a past she could never go back to she decided that the only thing possible to do was to start over so she left on her own.

It was selfish of her to abandon Bellamy to the mountain of work that settling on the earth, preparing for the harsh winter and mending the bridge between the adults and the delinquents but she could not do anything else than leave as she was too haunted by her action to do anything. It had taken being reunited with Lexa and confronting her anger and despise of herself as well as those she felt towards the Commender to be able to advance beyond simple surviving.
It was Lexa who slowly coaxed her back to stability and who fought to rebuild their relationship. She had been patient, kind and understanding even when Clarke held a knife under her throat. In the end Lexa had won her. Entirely.

Clarke was silently crying as she reminded herself of her moments with Lexa and of her death when she heard a twig snap behind her. From the sound of it she figured it was from a dozen meters away. As Trikru would never make such a gross mistake while following someone, especially in a forest, she figured it must be one of the other ninety-nine prisoners of the Ark.
Sighting at the thought that Octavia had followed her and of how mad Bellamy would be she wipped the tears away, turned around, put her hands on her hips and spoke with as much disapproval and authority she could muster at the moment.

"I know you're here! We might as well walk together now!"

The was a moment of silence then a silhouette came out from behind a tree and started walking forward.

"You?!" came Clarke's surprised shout when she realized who was standing in front of her.

Pauna = Gorilla
Azgeda = Ice Nation
Heda kom Kongeda = Commander of the Coalition
Trikru = Tree people