Trust » Harry Styles

two: guilt

Guilt
noun;
The fact of having committed a specified or implied offence or crime.

It was three days after my attempt at ending my life, and three days after the mysterious boy stopped me and gave me a sliver of hope that everything was going to be perfectly fine. I knew now, that nothing will be okay in the long run, but it was nice to pretend for a little while.

Right now, I'm completely riddled with guilt. Guilt for the fact that if I had of stepped onto those train tracks, that boy who was watching would have seen me die right in front of his own eyes, and not even I, the girl who doesn't care about others, would want anyone to see someone die. That would be too much.

I also feel guilty because I would have left behind my best friend, Peaches, my one year old cat. I don't think I would ever be able to live with myself if I left her alone to fend for herself. 

Even if I don't care about other people, it doesn't mean I can't care for my cat. She is, after all, the only living thing that has stuck with me throughout everything. 

Currently, I'm sitting on a bench in a park close to my place. The park was nice and calm, which was the best place for me to be right now, I really need to think.

The boy who saved me, the one who never told me his name, still lingered in my mind. His tousled brown hair, shining green eyes, strong arms that held me when I cried for hours in his arms. The mysterious boy still filled my mind and I hated it. I hated thinking about other people.

I shouldn't be thinking about him, ever. He stopped me from leaving this horrible world, I might have been thanking him then, but now, the darkness in the world is enveloping my being at a rapid pace and I'm scared if I don't do something about it, I'll be even more of a walking zombie than I am already. 

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I jumped slightly at the sound of the deep voice and turned to my left only to see the same boy from three days ago.

"What are you doing here?"

"What ever do you mean, lovely?"

"What are you doing here, in this park, where I am?"

This is the second time he has popped up randomly. If this happens again I'll probably have to file a lawsuit because I'm sure it would be considered stalking on his behalf.

"What? Aren't I allowed to take a stroll in this park near my place? Is that a crime?"

"What?"

"What..."

"You live near here?"

"Yeah, I do." 

"Oh.."

I looked down at the ground, suddenly feeling the urge to leave, I don't want to be around this person anymore. I want to be alone. I got up from the rough bench and turned to leave, but as always, something - or someone - stops me.

"I never did get your name, lovely."

"My name is Porsche." 

He smiled. His smile is so nice, his teeth are perfectly straight and they're so white, how can someones teeth be that straight?

"Harry. My name is Harry."

"I never did recall asking for your name... Harry." I smiled, a tiny, tiny smile; still, a smile. Harrys' face was one of shock, but I ignored it and walked off towards my little house.