My Boyfriend Is a Psychopathic Clown: Harley Quinn's Story

The Point of No Return (And No Regrets)

"Now you see everything, don't you?" Hush waited for me to answer.

"He always wanted to be a hero - before his parents were murdered, we went with his dad on a medical conference, and we got in trouble because we saw the Green Lantern and ran off to watch him...and I want to kill him, but I can't."

I only nodded woodenly, my thoughts overpoweringly strong. They made me bolt from the room and run to dial Mr. J. Puddin' would love me...he could finally fufill his biggest dream, and then we could marry and settle down like any normal couple. No more running around committing crimes. No more relocation. No more hiding from the cops. No more getting hauled off to Arkham.

No more Batman.

I was doing him a favor, really - he had a problem, a serious problem, and no matter how much I loved him and could usually see his logic, he was a patient of mine and needed to be cured. Besides, Bruce Wayne was just a stuck-up billionaire playboy...but he was also a person.

"Puddin'?"

"Don't call me that...where've you gotten to lately, Harley-girl? I'm a little lacking in help these days..."

No! I wasn't going back to him. I was almost happy living with Ivy...but she didn't make my heart pitter-patter the way my angel did.

I started to tell him, but then he cut me off.

"Sorry, gotta run - I'm robbing a bank, and I really shouldn't have taken your call...except I gassed all the cops running after me with Joker Venom!" he laughed and laughed (I love that laugh).

"But...wait...."

Too late. He'd already hung up.

I pulled myself together after two hours of depressed crying, touched up my makeup, and strode determinedly to see the one person I knew who could help me. Mr. J cutting me off - it had been a sign from the universe. There was no other choice.

"I need you to give me a mind-wipe...the strongest you've got."

Zatanna eyed me oddly.

"Why?"

"Because I know who the Batman really is - and I can tell you because you used to work with him in the Justice League, so you already know, right?" I then proceeded to tell her the whole story, and she listened, her eyes darkening as I mentioned Hush.

"Yes. I'll do it."

As she put her hands on the sides of my head, she explained to me what she was doing.

"I'm erasing your memory of your talk with Thomas Elliot, and casting a binding charm so that if anyone ever tries to tell you again, your brain will never receive the information. Done," she declared, and I suddenly realized I had no idea what I was doing here.

"Coffee?" she offered, and I gratefully took some - maybe it would help my headache - dipping an iced hazelnut biscut into my cup.

Zatanna drove me home (I didn't know why), and told me to go to bed.

"You'll feel better in the morning, I promise. And maybe you and the Joker could come to one of my shows sometime?" Zatanna performed magic and showgirlery regularly at the Poker Face casino close to Wayne Manor (a popular hangout of Bruce Wayne's - she was friends with him, I recalled), and I told her to write it down for me. My mind was feeling fuzzy, and my ears were full of static. Right now I just needed to slee....