killer»phan

#01

phil.

school. that's the worst place a person like me could be. trapped for several long hours with people who think they have the upper hand, people who think i'm just some pathetic weirdo with no friends. people who think they can torment me whenever they feel like.

just wait, you'll see who has the upper hand.

i don't know what's worse, the tormenting or the fact that none of it affects me. i see other people getting attacked because they wore the wrong shirt, and they cry. feel ashamed, demoted.

but me? i feel absolutely nothing. just like every other day of my life. nothing. all i am is an empty shell, there's nothing inside. except for the want, the need to kill.

i wish i could feel what other outsiders felt, i wish i could cry when kids beat me up. i want so desperately to be normal. but then i realize that normal is boring, without my constant need to kill i'd be stuck in a routine of bullying and sadness. if i was normal, i wouldn't be able to get revenge.

the only time i ever felt anything was when i was seven. i found a neighborhood dog, he was pretty big, panting and walking peacefully along the sidewalk. i led him to my backyard, sat him down and waited until he fell asleep.

he was cute, sleeping soundly, not knowing what was going to happen to him. i think that was my favorite part of the whole experience, the obliviousness. i loved how a creature could be so content and unknowing in their last minutes before death.

the next moments were amazing as well. me, running into the kitchen and searching for the perfect knife. me, walking slowly up to the unknowing animal. me, yelling a victory cry as i plunge my weapon into my victim. the dog, howling, coming closer and closer to its last breath.

in those few seconds, i felt like i imagine kids to feel on christmas morning. excitement and happiness. i smiled, it was like that dog was my x box 360, all wrapped up in red christmas paper.

but the best part of that moment was that the voices finally stopped. no more voices telling me to kill little sally next door. (now that i think about it, i should have done it then, she would have caused a lot less problems if i plunged a knife in her instead of that dog.) no more anything, my mind was blank. all there was was a beautiful silence.

it was spectacular.

then i heard the next door neighbor, sally, scream.

"dash!! what did you do to dash? y-you kil-killed him!"

so much for silence.

i broke out of my thoughts when i felt a boy run into me. he fell to the ground, his black backpack flying across the hallway as he did so. he looked up at me with fear in his big brown eyes, and i shivered at that helpless look. he looked so pretty.

"what the fuck?" i called out, mad at the fact that this boy thinks he can just crash into me and look so good doing it.

"i'm so so sorry! it's just that chris is coming for me and i really don't feel like getting punched in the face today." the boy in front of me explained, but i wasn't listening. i was staring into his eyes, loving how each word he said made him more and more anxious.

it was like those cheesy scenes in romantic comedies, when the girl sees the guy and the world stops around them, the two just lost in each others eyes. just focused on their new soulmate. except for me, it was a new victim.

the voices agreed and i smiled.

"chris can be an ass. follow me." i held out my hand and he took it, and i led this new boy to the bathrooms i always used to hide in. i stopped once i began to try and feel emotions, and getting beat up usually made people feel something sad inside them. for me it just feels like being kicked in the face repeatedly.

"thank you. i'm dan."

the brunette held his hand out and his sleeve was pushed up just enough that i could make out thin lines, scabbing over. i almost lost control, thinking of the blood rushing out of his arm. thinking of him creating them, it was enough to get me wanting more.

"um, hello?" i must of zoned out because dan was looking uncomfortable as i stood there, staring at his arm.

"oh, yeah sorry. it's not everyday you meet someone as beautiful as you." i quickly shook his hand and smiled as i saw him turn red.

step one of gaining your next victims trust: flirt.