killer»phan

#02

phil.

i was never afraid of anything. partly because i can't feel anything inside, and partly because i always thought i was unstoppable. nothing could get in my way, and if anything did. i'd take care of it the same way i took care of dash.

the only time i felt fear was when sally's parents caught me watching sally undress from her backyard.

it wasn't anything sexual, believe me. i was watching her for awhile, entranced by how human she was. how she could be happy, sad, angry. how she could show and feel emotions.

i loved the human body, and her's was so flawless. she finally started looking like a woman, and the pale light from the lamp made her look like a silhouette. it was damn beautiful.

curiosity got the best of me.

when they caught me, i was truly terrified. her dad was screaming, ready to kill me. her mom was crying, ready to yell at me. i was the dog, and they were seven year old me. pretty soon i was going to be covered with red wrapping paper.

i felt what that dog felt.

and it was strangely enticing.

that is, until my parents got involved. my dad dragging me inside, hitting me along the way. calling me a pervert. i still have the scars from where he dug his nails into my skin, and the burn marks from his cigarettes he would snub out into my arms.

but the biggest scars are on the inside, i often think that if mom had done something besides drink and pop all those pills until she was completely oblivious to everything around her, i would have been normal. i wouldn't have this urge to kill.

but the worst part of the whole thing was when sally confronted me at school. calling me a disgusting creep in front of the whole school. calling me a pervert, just like my dad had. i wasn't angry by any of that, i was angry that i couldn't strangle her right there in front of everyone. i was angry that i couldn't do anything when i wanted to.

but i ended up strangling her in the girls locker room after her cheerleading practice.

the silence was beautiful. almost as beautiful as sally was when she wasn't spewing bullshit from her lips.

she really was pretty, let me tell you.

the bell rang and i quickly walked the halls until i was out of my high school and into the fresh air. taking a deep breath, i stood there, enjoying the warm sun on my skin. one of the few joys i can experience.

"hey! phil! it's dan, remember?" i rolled my eyes as dan ran to catch up to me. sure, he was damn beautiful but he was also damn annoying. ever since that day i saved his ass he's been riding mine. i couldn't be alone anymore.

"hey dan, shouldn't you be walking home?" i covered my annoyance with a smile and placed my books on top of my car. if i was going to do what i planned to do, i had to play nice for a little while. just like i had with sally.

"um.. h-how do you know i walk home?" dan asked, frightened at this sudden piece of knowledge.

"i pass by you everyday on the way home, you're rather cute when you listen to music, mouthing all the words." i cover my tracks with shameless flirting, step one, remember? i didn't want dan to know i've been memorizing his daily routine for when i decide to make my move, the move that will end dan howell's life. we were in a game of sorry, and when the time comes, my pawn will knock his back to start.

"oh. thanks." dan was fidgeting, it was obvious he's never been complimented before.

"mhm, need a ride howell?" i offer, climbing into the driver's seat.

"sure, thank you." dan smiled again and hopped right in.

gaining his trust was going to be easier than i thought.

i glanced at him as i pulled out, noticing he has more scars on his wrist than he did when i first saw him. red flashed through my mind and i quickly looked away and thought about something else before i lost what little control i had.

"turn here. first house on the left." i already knew that.

"here you are." i parked the car and watched as dan got out, walking slowly to his front door. then turning and running back.

"my parents aren't home and i hate being alone, do you think you could stay and hang out for a little bit?" howell bit his lip, and i noticed how chapped they were. he seemed to bite his lip a lot, which is a sign of vulnerability. at least to me it is. i like vulnerable. i think dan might be my new dash.

"why not?" i climbed out the car and let dan lead me into his house.

he led me right to his bedroom. it was small, and very dark. the walls were covered in posters, you couldn't even see what color they chose to paint his room.

"nice room, i like it." i said, noticing his sleeve was pushed up again, and the scars were out. one was beginning to bleed.

i ignored the flash of red that filled my eyes and mind, and the voices saying to do it now.

"dan, why do you do that to yourself?"

he turned his head and pulled the sleeve down, not looking at me anymore. i couldn't understand why.

"it's no big deal. don't worry about it." he told me, anger laced in between his words.

"just know i care. i'll always care howell." i decided to drop it, but delicately. daniel howell was my next masterpiece. my sculpture, and you have to be sure not to use the wrong paint color, or to accidentally chip off a piece you'll need in the future.

"thanks, lester." he mocked me, and i smiled at him. he smiled back and stared into my eyes for some sort of emotion that wasn't there.

"i don't want my howell to hurt himself."

step two: pretend to care.