When The World Had You

when the world had you || 4

i come to the place of your death when

the sun approaches and night disappears.

and when the night comes

as the sun falls,

i return to where i live.

home was with you,

and now that you're gone

i feel as though something has been taken away.

i am deemed unstable.

although i am eighteen, my family

made me come back to their home.

my mother watches me from afar

when i arrive through the front door.

she has a look of irritation on her face.

she questions me,

asking things which

hurt my brain.

"where have you been?"

"... where i first watched death take my best friend"

"you reek of alcohol, i thought i told yo-"

"i know, but i don't fucking care"

"don't you dare say those... vile words to me"

"..."

"can you please just cooperate with me"

"..."

"what do you even do all day?"

"drink and be alive"

"she wouldn't have wanted this"

"don't you act like you fucking know her"

"but i did"

"don't act like you know what she's thinking, or what she likes to eat. because no one knows but me, no one bothered to know the girl who had an IQ bigger than everyone in the shitty town. People pretended to like her to cheat off her, and they didn't treat her kindly. i was with her since the start, and till the end"

"that's the thing, you were always there to stop her from doing what she wanted, you didn't let her do what she wanted."

"that's not true"

"but it is"

"fuck you. you're just another piece of shi-"

"you didn't let her do what was right, and that's what killed her"

i ended the conversation

by running out of the room

and into the night.

i hugged my jacket,

the only thing that gave

me warmth

and with nowhere else to go,

i went to the only place where

i was welcomed

the train tracks

i'm not sure if you know this;

but the world's gotten crueler

since the time of your departure.