I was feeling good that day but soon sorrow and grief overshadowed my happiness…
I could not take the fact that Monish very casually said things which pierced me so badly…
I did not realize it at that moment but soon that realization dawned on me that my feelings did not matter to Monish…
But how could they matter to him???
I never told him how I felt…
How would he understand something which I never said?
I was tired of my life…
I was fed up of the uncertainties of life…
There was this guy who made me cry…
He broke me.
He hurt me.
He made me want to end my life.
He was the same guy who made me smile like no one ever could, no one ever will…
He was the only one who made me feel alive…
I love you Monish… I said that so many times… but the problem was I never said that to him…
I just couldn’t!!
Leaving/Giving up/Letting go is never an option in love, but life did not give me any other option…
Monish hadn’t given me any other option, ‘cause I loved him, but he didn’t.
Honestly, the only option I had was quitting life, but I wasn’t strong enough to do that; Otherwise I would not be writing this…
I called up Disha and asked her if she was giving Monish a surprise…
“Arey Rimsha… don’t ask… Monish is at Nadiad, I am at Amdavad and you’re at Valsad… Can anything be worse.. I miss you guys…”
“Yeah I miss Monish and our five star girls batch…Now it is just 1.5 months to go… I don’t want to leave you all…”
“Yeah your Monish… “
“He is not mine, Dish… I don’t like him that way…” I don’t know why I said that lie. Monish was the only one I liked that way… He was the only one I LOVED!!! Ever loved…
“Seriouslyyy??? You must be kidding Rim… It is written all over your eyes when you talk to him that you love him…”
“I don’t love him Dishaaaaa… He isn’t my type… And moreover, I am not looking for a doctor…Honestly, he is just a friend…”
“Ohhhhhhhhh… fir to mera raasta saf hai… right???”
Monish was everything I was looking for…
But perhaps I had seen everything I was looking for wrapped up in someone I could never have…
My relationship with Monish was eclipsed by Monish’s love for Disha…
I had never thought I would have to pretend not being in love with the guy who was EVERYTHING for me…
11th April 2009–
It was Disha’s birthday that day…
11/4/1985 was her birthdate and I wonder if it was merely a coincidence that my birthday was 4/11/1985…
Monish called me up on 10th April to arrange for a surprise birthday party for Disha…
Monish never did anything of that sort for me… I never expected it too, but my human instinct made me expect and get disappointed…
