barrier // jjk [completed]

n

Usually, I looked forward to the weekend.

Those were the days where I didn't have to work or worry about the next lesson.

They were the days when Jungkook would often stop by for an extra lesson or even just to spend time with me.

But after last night, everything had changed.

And if I had the chance to go back and change the past, I would.

"Will you... go out with me?" Jungkook asked as he shuffled his feet slightly and looked up at me with a hopeful twinkle in his eyes.

My heart stopped as I felt his hand intertwining with my own.

His hands were as warm as I remembered them to be.

"Brinley.... I like you. So much. Do you.. Like me?" He asked; pulling me closer towards him.

My mind was running, frantically, all over the place by now.

On one hand, there was practicality. In that sense, me going out with Jungkook with something other than work was completely wrong. It would be against the rules to date him, and not to mention that all of BTS' careers would be put in danger, since the company strictly prohibits dating. And the fans would be livid of course, and I'm sure I'd be hated by many when they found out. I would never want to put him, or any of the other members through that.

But, on the other hand, there was him. Everything about him I wanted. And right now, he was the only one I would ever want. I had never felt this way about anyone, especially someone that I tutored. From his aura to his character, to his welcoming personality and his drive to succeed in everything he does. And of course, his appearance. His hair, nose, eyes, lips, neck, shoulders...They all screamed at me in desire. He was absolutely perfect to me, with flaws and all.

The two sides of my brain were fighting for dominance, and I was the one who had to choose which side won.

"Brinley..?" Jungkook called out to me, and I looked down to see our hands still intertwined. I squeezed it one last time before letting go.

Suddenly, another point of view came into play. 

Maybe, I thought, maybe he needed someone other than me.

I was just Brinley.

He didn't deserve someone like me. 

My mind now grew dark, like a thunderstorm.

He deserved someone that the fans would love, not just some English tutor.

He deserved someone that he could talk to freely, in his own language, and have her completely understand, and not have to worry that he was using the right words or proper grammar.

He deserved someone better.

At least that's what my mind was telling me when I turned away from him, his face to my back.

The other part of my mind was drowning, but I could hear its faint calls;

Don't do this.

Stop being stubborn and admit.

You know you like him.

Practicality was smothering Love, and I could do nothing about it but watch, as my mind now completely went null.

"No." I said, my voice monotone.

Jungkook blinked a couple times.

"What?" He sputtered out.

"I said, no. I don't like you and I don't want to go out with you." I couldn't feel anything but numbness. Love was almost gone, and I heard it's one last attempt before it swallowed up in my mind.

And it disappeared.

"We can't. There's too many things that could go wrong." I answered, my voice not changing.

"But-" Jungkooks eyes were welling, and I couldn't look at him.

"Please leave." My voice sounded robotic, like it wasn't even coming from me.

"Brinley. Please. Don't." Jungkook wasn't ashamed of his tears anymore as they started to fall.

"Goodbye." I choked out, my voice breaking just as he vanished into the wind.

--

My body shuddered at the fresh wound that last night made as I trailed my eyes over to my bedside table.

The flowers were propped up in a glass vase filled with water, even though I doubt that there was any chance for the flowers to survive another week.

But they were still here.

I watched as a few petals fell from the flower.

They floated down so delicately and lightly, and I instantly thought of Him.

That was how Jungkook made me feel on the inside.

Delicate and light and wanted.

Did I make a mistake?