A Love Like War

e i g h t

SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
Millennia by Crown the Empire
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The letter from Stella sits unopened on my bunk. I sit across from it, afraid to touch it, just staring at it. I'm afriad if I open it there will be no going back.

I don't want to let go of her yet.

I want her back, and in my arms. I want her with me again.

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"You are crazy." She insists with a laugh.

"No, I'm not!" I mumble, a pout forming on my lips.

"Don't you think this is even kind of dangerous?"

I scratch the back of my head. When I first thought about it I just thought it would be fun. I didn't even think if it was safe or not. Peering over the edge of the cliff I shake my head. "No it seems pretty safe to me."

"You're joking right?"

"Stella, it's a fifteen foot drop. Plus, I'll be there to catch you at the end. I know how much you love my big, strong muscles." I whisper in her ear with a cheeky grin.

"Jack," she begins with a laugh.

"What?"

"You don't have any muscles." She finishes.

"Sure I do! Look!" I insist as I flex my biceps for her.

"I see nothing." She tells me. A light frown plays with the corners of her lips.

"Maybe you're just too far away." I insist, sneaking my arm around her waist I pull her closer to my body.

"No, you don't have any muscles."

"Would somebody without muscles be able to do this?" I whisper as I bring her lips closer to my own.

"Maybe."

"Would somebody without muscles be able to do this." Then we're kissing. Her warm lips pressed to my own. My arms are around her waist and hers are trapped between us with her fingers splayed across my chest. I pull her closer to me, closer to the egde, before picking her up and jumping off the cliff.

She laughs as we fall closer to the water. "You're an asshole." She tells me.

The water is colder than I expected when we hit it. It rushes around us like icy fire and pulls us down by our clothing. I kick to the surface with Stella's hands still clasped in my own.

"But I'm your asshole. Right?" I ask her as I press a kiss to her cheek. My feet still treading water.

"No." She tells me.

"No?" I frown a little but she kisses me better.

"No, you're my cheeseball."

"Only if you're my cheese-penis." I tell her solemly.

She laughs.

I miss her laugh.

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I flinch at the memory. It's been ages since I thought about that day. After jumping into the water we sat on the shore for hours joking around. It was nice, we hadn't had privacy from the paps like that in ages, just the two of us.

Nobody bothered us that day as we sat on the rocks trying to dry off our clothes. It was the moment I realised I'd fallen in love with her. I'd fallen in love with her easy laugh. Her sense of humour. Her carefree demeanor.

I'd fallen in love with the hint of a dimple on her right cheek when she laughed. I'd fallen in love with the way she ran her hair through her short hair. I'd fallen in love with her when I wasn't supposed to.

We weren't supposed to last very long. The two of us were set up by management. I'd been walking in to meet a total stranger when I saw her. She was breathtaking.

We both knew why we were there, but neither of us strayed to the topic of being in a relationship. We'd talked about music and she laughed when I told her I liked Katy Perry. I laughed when she told me she liked Slipknot. We got along in a way no one expected us to, because we weren't supposed to be real.

And when I was told our relationship was done, that we no longer needed the publicity, I asked her about becoming my real girlfriend. She smiled and told me yes. We were real, we were finally real.

The honeymoon phase ended eventually, and we became more comfortable around each other. Together we learned the paps weren't people to fear on date night because nothing about us needed to be picked apart. There was no one else behind our backs. There was no one else in the picture but us. It was only ever us.

I don't know how she managed to get over our four years and seven months together in two months. I don't understand how she got over it, period.

Because I'm sitting alone, in my bunk, with her letter in front of me trying to let go. And she's somewhere else with a smile on her face and no traces of me on her mind.

But I think we all know, I shouldn't be trusted to live and let go.

I pick up the letter. The papers in my hands crackle as I unfold it. I hold it in front of me and take in the ink smudges where she wrote because she's left handed. I take in pages of her neat font and realise this wasn't a spur of the moment thing. There's various colours of ink across the pages, and various forms of her printing from neat to sloppy and back to square one again.

I take it all in and start reading. Not because Alex wanted me to. Not because Zach thought it's what I needed. Not even because I wanted to, because to be honest I didn't want to hear about how well she's doing while I'm barely breathing.

I pick it up and start reading because I know how much this letter meant to her. I pick it up to read because of her, as everything else I do will always be because of her.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
sometimes i wonder why emotions are so complicated
WATTPAD RECOMMENDATION:
Read my story "Safety Pin" Luke Hemmings anyone?