A Love Like War

e i g h t e e n

SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping with Sirens
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I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel.

Anger?

Jealousy?

Regret?

A mixture of all three, perhaps?

I just felt empty. Subconciously I've known she must have moved on with the guy she'd been talking about the day she left me. I just didn't want to accept it.

I hated accepting it.

Dejectedly I removed myself from the bar.

They said love was forever, but her forever was all that I needed. Now she's gone and I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.

Maria.

I could call Maria.

I don't. I don't call Maria, but the next thing I know I'm sitting on her thinking bench, beneath the thinking tree with my head in my hands.

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"I'm not sure this is a great idea." Stella mumbles before biting her bottom lip with her two front teeth.

I smile. "Sure it is." I smile before digging into my bag to hand her the hat I brought her. She laughs.

"Jack, I really don't think this is necessary."

I pull out my own matching hat, complete with the ruffled pleats. "Sure it is." Then I pull out a two other pieces of fabirc before handing her the smaller one.

"'Kiss The Cook'?" She asks before looking up at me.

I roll my eyes. "Well if you insist." I smile at her before pulling her close and gently kissing her.

She laughs as I pull away a moment later. "You thought about that when you bought these, didn't you?" She asks as she pulls her own apron on overtop of her tee shirt.

"I might have." I smile back at her as I finish tying the strings in the back.

"This is going to be disasterous." She mumbles quickly, but she said it so quietly I'm not entirely sure she meant it.

"Not with me here!" I insist, pulling down a recipe book from the top shelf. "I'm a great cook."

"What are we making?" She asks, changing the topic.

"Cupcakes!" I smile excitedly.

"Cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes. I was thinking these ones," I trail off pointing at the recipe. "'Lady Baltimore,' then we can do purple and black for the Ravens!"

"Football, I should've known." She laughs.

I smile back at her.

Then we make the cupcakes, needless to say they were a little burnt and tasted a little too sweet, but we made them with love. Which was all that mattered.

If only it meant more to her.

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I smile shyly down at the ground, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

I miss her.

So much.

Then I close my eyes as another memory takes over my thoughts.

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"I hate tattoos!" Stella whines as I drag her through the doors of a tattoo parlour.

"Just get one." I encourage, be adventurous.

She sighs. "One." I smile back at her.

She wanted one, I know she did. She's been thinking about it for ages.

I could see it in her eyes when I came back the other day, my entire shoulder coloured to portray Jack Skellington from 'A Nightmare Before Christmas' holding a guitar, she was excited to see my new ink. She was exhilerated by the colouring. She was ecstatic by my courage, and deep down she wanted to do it too.

"What should I get?" She asks with a smile, she looks nervous. Her short figure is shaking against my body as I wrap my arm around her.

"Whatever you want." I encourage.

"Will you get one with me?"

I nod. Whatever she wants.

She smiles, then points to her neck. "I want wings."

I smile. Of course she does. My angel, my nightmare.

"What am I going to get?"

She smiles. "I was thinking devil horns." She mumbles cheekily. "Or wings too, but broken ones?"

I nod, I can totally see where this is coming from.

"Anything for you." I mumble quietly, kissing the top of her head.

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Then my thoughts are back to Maria.

Stella, Stella. I remind myself. I'm supposed to be thinking about Stella.

But then it dawns on me.

I lost her. I've lost Stella.

But maybe in my quest to find her, to win her back, I've lost myself.

And I don't know which thought scares me more.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
i like the smell of winter, the cold? nope.
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