A Love Like War

f i f t e e n

SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
Troubled Times by Green Day
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Alex wasn't the only one surprised when I got back and requested paper. I'm not the artistic type, and I suck at writing songs. He hesitantly handed me the blank sheets and a pen before retreating to the lounge.

I'd be just as skeptical, I hate writing.

He's a dick. I scribble across the top.

Hardly a phrase worth turning into a hit song.

Then my pencil touches the paper again, and words start flowing onto the paper, messy line after line. The verse slowly forming, and then another before a rough chorus is sketched in between the two. My pencil skitters across the first side of the page before I flip it over and fill most of the other. A brief bridge is hashed out against the side of my paper with a skeptical frown.

Then I'm done, the entire thing written in front of me. It doesn't look bad, it looks almost up to scale with something Alex could slap together, minus the messy printing. I smile at the words written across the page before scribbling a title along the top.

I tuck the papers away into a pocket in the back of my jeans before wandering back to the lounge. Alex smiled at me when I entered the back, gently sliding open the mirrored door to greet him. "What's up?" He asked as I anxiously sat beside him.

I blush, this is kind of awkward. "Um, I wrote a song"

Alex laughs. "Oh, I was really hoping that's why you needed that paper."

I smile back shyly, wondering what else I would have been doing. Alex seems to take note of my confusion before pumping his hand up and down. My eyes widen before I sputter out a response. "Yeah, I was writing."

He smiles back at me before holding out his hand, the palm facing towards the roof. "C'mon, let me see."

I pull out my slip of paper before gently uncreasing the folds and handing the sheets over to him.

Alex scrunches his eyebrows before blinking a couple times and settling in to read. At some points he bobs his head a little, humming under his breath. "Did you have a tune for this?" He asks.

"No." I mumble quickly.

He nods again before picking up a pen on the table. His fingers scribble out the occasional word and fill the empty space with a new concept. Adapting the measures to fit into the song playing through his head. After a moment he hands me back the papers and I read what's now written. Most of my words remain in place, but the ones that were scribbled out have been replaced with words so complex I never would have ever known they existed had they not appeared on my paper. I smile at the paper a small bit before finally looking up at Alex.

His eyes meet mine and my face splits into a shit-eating grin. I don't understand the concept really, there's nothing pleasant or smile-worthy about eating shit, but at the same time it almost made sense.

"Jack?" Alex breathes after a second.

"Yeah?"

"Someone needs to call Feldy."

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I huff in annoyance. "I don't like how that sounds." I groan before slumping back into my seat. The wheels take my momentum and push me back a couple feet.

"Jack, focus." Alex snaps. That's the seventeen- no eighteenth time he's told me that. I suck at this.

"Okay." I breathe, picking up my guitar and strumming the chords again. Through the fourth rotation of the progression I manage to mess up and we have to stop and restart.

"Jack, do you want to take a minute outside?" Feldy suggests. "It might clear your mind a little, then we can make this work. Until then i think you're too distracted to continue."

I nod, that sounds a hell of a lot better than messing up over and over again. I'm supposed to be good at guitar.

I walk out of the building wih a huff before sitting down on the cement. People walk by, ignoring me on the ground. No one asks what's wrong. No one cares. Not a single person is bothered to know about the man dejectedly leaning against the wall.

I look up at the sky. I wish I knew what I was doing. I fight the urge to cry, don't be a fucking pansy, I chide myself. You're better than this.

But I'm not. Not really. Inside I'm just a boy living in a grownup world with too many people who don't care. I'm just a boy lost on his paper route.

And sometimes I wonder if it's really worth staying at all.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
i wish i was pretty and confident
WATTPAD RECOMMENDATION:
Wherever You Are by meee