In the shadows(Larry Stylinson)✔️

4

Louis

Weeks pass in a blur and I try to ignore the numbers... the numbers on the scale... the numbers telling me I have lost 10kg in the past couple of weeks.

I try to ignore the fact that you can see more of my bones than you ever have been able to before...

I try to ignore the fact that no one have noticed, no one have even looked twice to see if I am okay... not that they checked once so they would be able to look twice.

"Louis, I'm having this important dinner thing tonight and I need you to dress up and join me. Your mother isn't feeling well and I can't show up alone. We can just say we wanted some father son time." My father says when I sit down at the table in my white tee and my black skinny jeans.

"What do I have to wear?" I ask him knowing that the answer probably isn't something I will like because he always dresses me in something weird.

"That suit you got last year."

I walk upstairs and change in to it because I know he will nag me about it if I don't do it and I am just so tired.

"Oh no, that looks horrible, you look like a kid in your fathers way too big clothes. Just wear black pants and a white shirt and I will find one of your sister's suit jackets, I bet she will have one that fits."

I walk up to my room again and change back in to the same clothes I wore before. I can't believe my dad didn't even react, it's like he don't care if I slowly die because I don't eat.

"Here try this on" He says when I come down the stairs and throw a suit jacket that looks more feminine than the once I have had before. I take it and it fits but it defiantly shows off my curves more than he once I usually wear.

"It will have to do, let's go." My dad don't say much on the way there and I try to ignore the fact that I'm only here with him because my mom isn't... I wonder who's looking after Frankie tonight.

I don't dare to ask because dad always gets super sensitive when it comes to Frankie.

I know this is going to be a horrible night and I don't know how I will make it through without breaking down.

Harry

I walk around the park looking at the snowflakes falling from the sky, I don't know when the seasons changed but it feels like I am asleep. Like I walk around like a zombie waiting to be awaken.

I feel like I walk around trying to figure out how to live without having to be seen as the second choice. I just want someone to look at me and think that they wouldn't trade me for anything in the world... I want someone to look at me and think "how did I get so lucky?"

I can feel the cold snow falling on my bare hands and I try to ignore the tingly feeling it leaves me with because of how long I have been wandering around in the cold winter night.

It's nice to be back in England... it's nice to be back home... but sometimes I need to get out of my house to just think.

My mother and I moved to London a few years ago when Eric started to get famous and sometimes everything just gets too much. I never wanted to leave my family home. I never wanted to leave the warmth of the town I grew up in...

But I had to and no one even asked me how I felt about it.

I can feel the cold wind grabbing in my clothes and I feel my body telling me no. It's past midnight and there is not many people outside and I know I need to find a place where I can go inside.

I keep walking and pulling my jacket closer to myself. The zip is broken so I have to hold it together so the cold wind won't hit my t-shirt covered chest.

I see the sign of a 24 hour café and decide to take a stop to get inside and maybe have something hot to drink.

I open the door to the little café and I can see that it's almost empty, the only people in there is a teenage couple who is clearly drunk off their ass. I do not understand how people who is younger than me feel the need to get so drunk they forget the night before when they wake up the next morning.

"Hey darling what can I get you?" I look at the middle aged woman who is standing behind the counter, her brown hair has so red tones in it that makes her curls look shinier.

"Just plain black coffee" I answer and she gives me a smile before telling me the amount it will be and then walks off to pour up a cup of coffee. I hand her the money and thank her when she hands me the coffee.

I decide I like this place when I sit down by the window looking out to see the snow falling in the light from the street lights. The coffee might taste pretty much crap and be way too overpriced for this shit but right now it heats my body up and gives me a feeling of comfort so it's fine.

I sit there in silence until the door suddenly is opened and a small guy in really fancy clothes walks in to the café. He looks like he is freezing and I understand him because he isn't wearing a jacket. All he has is a suit jacket and it's not much to have in this weather.

"Hey darling what can I get you?" The lady asks him and I try to mind my own business and not listen to his order. But then he opens his mouth and that voice! It's so beautiful but you can hear that he is freezing. He's shaking a little on his words, and if I don't hear wrong it sounds like he is trying to hold back tears...

The only reason I know how that sounds is because I have done it so many times myself. I am pretty sure I have become a champion at hiding the will to cry.