Remembering Rose (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 7

I have barely put my sword down since training. I keep it to remind myself I am strong. It hangs from my waist in a belt I fashioned for myself, just a strip of brown fabric ripped from the bottom of a shirt. I hold the sword in my hands, rubbing my pointer finger along the blade, testing it's sharpness; it slices my skin and I watch as the blood droplets fall to the floor. I wrap my finger with some extra cloth and lace up my new boots.

Today's the day. A small army and I are set to depart for Alium by nightfall. The darker it is, the better the dark ships will blend with the night sky. Somebody even stole a bucket of paint from one of the richer folk nearest the castle to paint stars on the bottom of our airships.

With the new threats from the castle to destroy the Liberatum for once and for all, the people are more scared than they ever have been. Time is running out for them and they're all willing to band together for their safety and freedom. If they win this war the goal is for everyone to be treated equally.

I remember the marble floors of the castle. The glossy wooden banisters; just the sheer size of the castle alone was outrageous. My father and I ate heaping plates of food for every meal; whenever we had visitors the table was covered in delicacies.

I make myself sick just thinking about everything that went to waste in the castle. Even the leftovers could feed all of these people. If we were willing to share the surplus of food we had in the castle we wouldn't have a rebellion in the first place.

With the thoughts still running through my head, I see Caleb walking ahead of me, getting his things together for our mission. I run to catch up with him. I place my hand on his back so he knows it's me.

"About yesterday-"

"I don't want your sympathy and I definitely don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry I even told you about my brother. It was a huge mistake. Just forget about it." Caleb replies angrily.

"Are you serious?" I ask dumbfounded. "You don't even give me a chance to speak. Why don't you stop wallowing in your own self pity and actually listen to somebody for once." I snap.

I know I'm being harsh, I can tell by the hurtful look on Caleb's face, but I don't stop. All the bottled up rage towards Caleb has caused me to finally explode. I bit my tongue when he gave me the cold shoulder and when he was just being an asshole, but here I draw the line.

"I'm not asking you to talk to me or tell me all about your feelings. I just want you to know I'm here for you; if you think I'm going to give you sympathy though, you're insane. Guess what Caleb? Everybody's lost somebody. So instead of letting it consume you, you have to let go of your guilt. Jackson's death wasn't your fault."

"Don't stand here and pretend you know what it's like to lose somebody. I've lost everyone. Everything has been taken from me because of you." Caleb says glaring at me.

I almost punch him in the face right there, but I don't. "You're right, maybe I don't know exactly what it's like to lose somebody. I barely remember my mother; all I know is, some part of me misses her. Ever since I got here I feel like I'm being pulled. Like she's close by and some part of me can feel it. So no, I don't know the feeling of loss, but I know the feeling of longing. And do you want to know the first part? I'm holding on every day, to the hope that she could be alive, and that I'm going to be the one to find her. But maybe she's dead. Maybe I'll never get a chance to know her." I sigh. "And what's happening here is not my fault. I didn't know what was going on. I have no idea what's going on with anything!" I throw my hands in the air, exasperated.

"Right, because you hit your head and now you've miraculously lost your memory. Don't you think that's just a little odd?" Caleb says skeptically.

"How do you know about that?" I ask, running the past few days through my head. I'm almost positive the only person I told about that was Reyna.

"Rumors. Now answer my question." Caleb demands.

"No, I don't think it's weird. And why does it matter to you? As far as I'm concerned I'm probably better off this way. I forgot the rebellion. The blood coating the floors of the castle, the smell of rotting corpses, and at the end, the piles of bodies waiting to be identified. I consider myself lucky. That's something I don't want to remember." I shudder at my father's recollection of the rebellion.

Caleb opens his mouth to argue but decides against it, clamping his mouth shut. He turns away, running ahead of me. I think I hear him mutter under his breath but I can't make out the words. I shake my head, the past few minutes still fresh in my mind. How could he be so stupid?

Do other people blame me too? As I walk down the street I watch people, looking at them more closely than I ever have before. I scrutinize their faces, sometimes receiving a smile, but more often than not, people are glaring at me, as if I'm a piece of garbage to be tossed away.

What am I doing? As much as I appreciate what the Liberatum stand for, I don't belong here. I should be at the castle with my father. He's probably worried sick about me.

As I walk down the streets, I think of what I'm going to tell Susan. What is she going to think when I ask her to send me home? Of course she'll be mad, but I can't leave Amara. I can't leave my city.

I hear rustling to my right and a clatter of metal and jump at the sound. I walk towards the noise, coming from behind the house, my hand resting on the hilt of my sword. As I turn the corner I see a face I recognize. Little Sara is digging through the garbage cans for food. My hand drops from my sword and my heart aches. It's hard for me to believe children have resorted to getting their dinner from the garbage here. I silently wish there was something I could do to help her.

"Sara?" I call out softly. She turns her head to look at me, her face turning red, embarrassed that I was seeing her like this. "It's okay Sara, come here." I beckon her over and she slowly makes her way towards me.

"I'm going home and I wanted to say goodbye." I say, bending down so I'm looking right into her eyes.

"Home? I thought you were going to save us." She says defeatedly.

Her face was all I needed to see to change my mind. She's right, I am going to save her, and the rest of the children. No matter what people think of me I'm going to do what's right, and right now, that's finding a way to help Sara.

"Thank you." I say to her, placing a piece of cold metal in her hand. I close her fingers around the object so she doesn't lose it. "Just something to help you out until I get back."

I smile as Sara's eyes widen as big as saucers. As I walk away I feel a tug on my pants.

"I'll miss you." Sara says looking up at me. I bend down one last time and she gives me a hug. "I'll miss you too."

I head to the airship, helping to get everything on board.

"Where's your ring?" A voice asks from behind me. I turn around to see Caleb right behind me.

"I gave it to Sara." I reply. I'm taken aback by his question. How did he notice so quickly? I was certain the only person who would realize it was gone would be me.

"You look like more of a rebel without it." Caleb smiles at me and return the grin.

"That's the best compliment I've gotten in a while." I say jokingly.

After our quick banter I turn my back, and prepare myself to board the ship.

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