Yes, I Am

Chapter Nine.

We came back home in the morning, still dripping wet like a dog with too much fur left in the pool overnight. We boarded a bus that would take us back home. It wasn't easy to find, considering it was three or four in the morning. Or maybe because we were drunk as fuck. In my defense, we were dripping wet in the month of January, so rum was the only logical option. Body warmth helped until a certain point but public displays of even the remotest intimacy made me freak out.

My body wasn't equipped to adventurous stuff like late night swims and staying up till dawn. Naturally, I woke up with a horrible hangover. My head was aching like someone was driving a jackhammer through it and even though I'd thrown up twice, I still felt nauseous. Lesson for life: don't try to cash cheques that even your ass is afraid to write.

A slow smile spread across my face as last night came back to me, and along with it came a fresh wave of the unexplained fear. If my parents found out, I was going to be toast. But I didn't want to live that way anymore. I could have not gone to the party and cut my losses if my fear was more dominant than my desire for freedom and him. Being with him was easy and natural. My parents weren't going to take that away from me.

"I'm gay and it's okay," I whispered to myself. I said it to myself two more times, each time more firmly, and closed and opened my fists every time I completed the line. "I'm gay and it's okay."

I'd helped Austin through his hangovers many times (never gonna roll my eyes at him again) so I knew the drill. I took a cold shower, a shitload of aspirin and poured myself a glass of orange juice with burnt toast. This was the part where I would usually curl up with a good book but my head was still aching like a motherfucker.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" chuckled Austin, the landline pressed to his ear. He looked kind of agitated but it soon turned to a smirk when he saw me. "Welcome to the dark side."

"You're gonna remind me of this forever, aren't you?" I groaned. I could already see our future conversations. 'Who told you to get so hammered, Austin?' 'That's cute coming from the guy who came home at four in the morning, looking like a sea monster swallowed him and spat him out.'

He nodded with a saccharine smile pasted across his face. To bring him down a notch, I asked, "How was your date with Betty last night?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It was good."

"You're trying to fake it. Either it was a disaster or it was too good and you don't want to admit I'm a god," I said.

"Hey? Yeah, sorry. I was talking to my roommate," he said to the receiver, waving me goodbye as he conveniently resumed his conversation to evade this one. Huh. Fishy. Something was very fishy.

I decided to call Betty to find out. There was nothing better to do in my current state anyway. But my phone was out of battery. No wonder, considering I hadn't plugged it in since last morning. I hunted for my charger, another way too difficult of a task when there was a drum solo of Guns n Roses beating inside my skull, and picked up the landline. I was ready to tell Austin to shut it and use his damn phone when I mistakenly overheard a sentence that I wished I hadn't.

"Why didn't you tell me he wasn't out of the closet yet?" I heard Caleb say.

"Does this even matter?" said Austin, sounding a little frustrated.

"Of course it matters!" Caleb exclaimed. "You couldn't have bothered to tell me this one little detail?"

"Be real with me, Cooper. Would you have pursued him if you'd known?" Austin said dryly.

"Yes," he replied promptly but it sounded more defensive than sincere.

"Really?" said Austin in the same dry tone.