Remember to Breathe

Please or Please Not

Author's note: I haven't had much time to write lately, but I have had this piece sitting around for quite a while. I wanted to do a little freeform poetry. This one is from Louis' perspective, the next is Harry's, then Louis again, then Harry, and so on. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. If you have comments or questions drop them below.

xx~ Kaity

—

It's like an unending train.

A train that wrecks and crashes and melts away its own metal axels until it can no longer properly follow the tracks, just the cracks and burrows of the ground.

But, maybe it isn't quite like that. Some times, the racing thoughts are nice, pleasant even. They invite insight, new possibilities, creativity, imagery, feelings, and endless, endless, forever leading sparks of -- what exactly? Love, light, dark, hope, dawn, life.

Then, why do we beg that these racing thoughts stop? Stop, stop, stop.

Stop the memories. Stop the words. Stop the replay.

Are we afraid of these thoughts? But, that's a thought in itself. Can you be fearful of thinking a thought? Possibly and possibly not.

Half bitter and half sweet, almost always unbidden. The racing thoughts, an eloquent narration. Why, why, why then? Why must we drown ourselves out so that we simply think not?

Is it the thought of an unwanted touch? Maybe the careless words one might wish they never breathed out of thought? The everlasting reliving of things one must not want. Want not, want not, please not.

There are things to do then, things to block out the thoughts, run the trains from the tracks, erase the words. Think not, think not, please not.

Drink the poison till your thoughts run together. Smoke the green until your thoughts are just laughter. Hold your breath until nothing else matters.

But then, you have to think to put the drink to your lips and bite back the burn. You have to think to light up and breathe the smoke right in. You have to think to stop your breathing.

Think to remember what you did when you wake up. Think to remember what really was so funny even though in the midst of morbidity it wasn't funny at all. Think to remember to breathe.

Remember, remember, remember. But want not to remember, want not, want not, please not.

So, always then back to the thinking why, why, why? Or why not, why not, please not.

Let the train go, let it crash, let it overheat until its metal axels burn for one day peace will come.

If you can think to remember to breathe.

Please, or please not.

Always a why, maybe a why not.

What a funny, funny thought.

--

Louis Tomlinson, 21, a soon to be graduating university student. If only he could find his way out of the dim lights and the sweaty bodies with too little clothes for the winter season. He knows there's more to his life, where he is, what he wants, but he can't seem to find that any more. He knows he's just down, just overwhelming himself with his work and lack of time and maybe the too many beds he keeps falling into. He's so afraid of everything and nothing at all. If only he could stop the thoughts, blank out, and just fall into the arms of the right body, the right boy, the right someone. Louis just needs to breathe.