I could not understand the turning of the tables, the changing of the reluctant tide or the twisting of a fate I only started to hope for.
Never had I expected the words that would suddenly fall from your lips, Zayn.
The words that you had so carefully written down in curving cursive that my own hands would shake too much to attempt.
Each glint in your eyes is miserable at best, worried and down trodden; too tired to rest.
Rehabilitation is the mantra you repeat as sadness squeezes the life from your voice; tightens around every word you try to speak.
Vacantly the others in the room stare; absently watching the scene unfold before them.
Each of them appears to want to be somewhere else, anywhere else but here with their cleats stashed neatly by their socked feet, and their hands fidgeting like mine must be.
Never had I imagined the words that would form in their throats; my teammates should not have seen how far I could fall.
There's something that Niall is saying that strikes too hard on a nerve; spreads an ache, an itch through each of my bones.
In the break of a breath, he says the things that you seemed so afraid to say.
On a Friday evening, Niall asked if I wanted to die, if I really and truly wanted to leave this life that I have lived all behind.
Never had I wanted to give life to the thought that Niall so bluntly stated, but perhaps he's right. Maybe I have been chasing my own demise more than giving thought to living beyond the high.
—
Louis Tomlinson has found that he's kept his secrets a little less close to the vest than he had thought. His teammates and friends are more aware of his sins than he had expected, and more brutally honest than he can begin to comprehend. Zayn's pushing for rehabilitation, and Niall is questioning life beyond death. He has no clue what he wants, but instead of attending the party down south, in this white-walled room, he feels painfully inclined to say 'yes'. A boy with green eyes and a nest full of hair breathed hope into him, and those he thought could not care have opened the door to a future he did not feel he deserved.
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Remember to Breathe
FanfictionHe wishes he could stop the things -- the things, he's sure are everywhere, anywhere, nowhere, but here. He falls into another bed, another place, he doesn't even think he knows this boy's name. No one seems to notice, not the brothers of the frater...
