Heathens -Twenty One Pilots

Me, Gerard and That Beautiful Voice of Yours

Tyler's POV

"You know I can't Josh". I reply, falling back from the wall and dropping my gaze, even though I know that he can't see me. "I'm sorry. You'll have to find another way. Get yourself out."

"No Ty!" Josh shoots back. "No...I couldn't...you--"

"You have to Josh." I reply, cutting him off. "If you know how to get out of this hell then you have to do it.

"Why would I Ty? There wouldn't be a point. You don't get it." Josh becomes quieter as he continues and I have to strain to hear him through the small metal grill, "I don't have anyone left out there Ty. Why would I want freedom if I had it to myself?"

We fall into silence for a moment before I finally reply.

"I don't know where my family are. The soldiers practically flattened my house to find me...it's the only house I ever lived in..."

"Were you close to them?" Josh asks quietly.

"Not really..." I answer honestly, "only to Zack really...my little brother. He tried to hide me when they came...tried to trick them that I wasn't there...I don't know what happened to him."

Josh is silent for a moment before he says, "I'm sorry."

"I still can't help you Josh." I say decidedly. "I can control it. I never will. It'll just end with people getting hurt. I'm sorry Josh, but my answer's no."

"Please Tyler," Josh says desperately, I look at the vent and see shadows moving behind it, "please Ty I can't stay here any longer. I just can't."

The shadows suddenly disappear as Josh jumps away from the wall. I hear the door of his cell slam open and into the wall. I remain silent and listen as what sounds like a slight struggle takes place but soon, one final, loud crash of skin against metal walls ends with footsteps walking away in the direction I had been taken to the shower.

What if the guards had heard...what if Josh didn't come back...what if they heard he wanted to get me out...that would mean him and Zack had been hurt protecting me.

My breathing speeds up and I slouch against the wall with my head in my hands.

Josh is right.

We can't stay here...not if it just means worrying, dodging guards and speaking through vents in hushed tones.

But we can't leave either. We'd end up dead.

I think back to what Josh had said.

"Better to die in glory trying to escape." but it doesn't sound like glory to me. It sounds like being mowed down by bullets, by guards who don't care about whether you live or die as long as they get their bonus. It sounds like dying a painful death that my family won't be informed of. It sounds like being tossed in an unmarked grave and the world forgetting I existed.

But I'm still conflicted. I want to try for Josh's sake.

I sigh and slouch against the wall

And yet somehow. Even while I think of this I realise that deep down I wouldn't mind that. Even that death would be preferable to this.

I've never exactly been what most people would call stable. I guess I've considered suicide more than my fair share of times. I've thought of death's sweet embrace. The peace...the tranquility. It all seems so much better than the migraine that has constantly been with me for as long as I can remember now. The thoughts that creep up to me and whisper sweet words of death and of an end to this suffering. The same thoughts that taunt and tease until I slide a blade across my skin and allow blood to pour from my arms in a desperate attempt to get rid of them.