Her World (ON HOLD)

Unaware Visits

A part of me wishes it would be like the old days. Laughing and smiling with all love.

My life. Family. Friends. All fake. Most people have a huge path to walk on, but me... it's thin. Really thin. I'm trying to walk across it, but can't. I'm stumbling and trying not to fall. I trip... but catch myself every time. Now, I just want to  fall, not having any care in the world. But I have my anchor that keeps me on the path. It's difficult. I don't even know if I could cross it. But I know if I do, I'll be happier. Or. Should I say free.

I'm not happy, anything but happy. Far from that.

I try to put a smile on my face, I do. But knowing it's fake or it won't last for long... it hurts.

Mom hasn't even talked about it. She just leaves for work and comes home to sleep. Which is rare as well. We have ups and downs in our relationship, but that doesn't mean I'm not on her side. I will always be there watching her back even if she hates me. She says I'm a constant reminder of him. But I'm nothing like him. I hate him.

I heard a someone opening the door. I stop writing and put my journal away. I turn to see my mum standing by the door. "Where are you going? I thought you have a day off." I question her. I know what she going to say, but still give her chance to explain herself.

"Oh, sorry. I have work, they just called me. Can you tell Danny I'll call her later." She flashes me a huge smile. I know it's fake. I knew it! She could never stay in this house- even a minute.

"BULLSHIT!" I shout angrily.

She was shocked, but quickly covered it with a cold glare. "That's not how you speak with your mother."

"Mother? Really?" I laugh bitterly. I see her flinch. "You have no right to say those words because you don't act like one."

She turns- so we are face to face.

"I don't need to explain myself to you." She says quietly. "I'm going to work." She walks out the door.

I was left there standing. I tear rolled down my cheek, but wipe it away. Thinking she needs space.

Space?! Are you fucking stupid Rose! It's been four years. She needs to move on and if she can't- you need to force her to.

The voice in my head is right. I can't live like this.

Fuck!

I close the door and and sit down. She always does this.

You shouldn't have yelled bullshit. Now she's mad at you. She will hate you forever.

I feel a pang in my chest.

I don't give two fucks. It's not my fault she's a horrible mother. She thinks she's the only one going through this crap. Well, think again bitch... so am I.

She's not a horrible mother. She's my life. She just needs more time. And did you call her a bitch. How fucking dare you!

You know I said the truth. It's not my fault that she acts like that. She pisses me off. 

She's my mum. And she has every right to act like that. She has been through the worst and has still stood by me.

Yeah, right! Keep telling yourself that. I know she's my mum and I love her.

I push the voice in my head away. I wipe the tears that fell.

I continue to finish my journal. I write about the event that just occurred  now. And how I'm still dodging Alaric from that day we meet at my secret place. He did try talking to be, but I ignored him. I'm pretty sure he got the drift and, stopped trying. I'm not planning to talk to him anytime soon. Mission avoid Alaric like the plague continues. I've gotten through the week. Now until graduation... if I could pull that off.